"Courage is the ability to move;
when all around you are frozen in fear
and no one would blame you if you did nothing at all."
Capt. Click. Phx. PD
My Name is Pam Kazmaier
Taken from the book Think
About it... for your reading convenience
Iím lucky to be married to my best friend, who happens to be a police officer.
Weíve known each
other for twenty-five years. I sat behind Kevin Kazmaier in Spanish class,
senior year of high school.
I was fascinated with his huge neck and shoulders. He was the captain of the
football team and very
popular. He had a handsome square jaw and blue eyes that melted my heart. He was
I didnít go to football games or dances or parties. I read books and graded the
teachersí papers. After
high school, Kevin partied his way through college and I had entered a convent.
I had always wondered what the purpose of life was.
I was raised Catholic and wanted to dedicate my life
to knowing this God, if there was one.
I was a nun for about seven years. I had come home from my order to enter
another convent closer
to home. While my paperwork was being processed, I worked in the nearby hospital
as a nurse. I had
become an RN. Kevinís mother was a patient on another floor and someone had told
him I was back
in town. Here came this big handsome man walking down the hall toward me and I
was shocked at
my reaction! I had been a good nun, faithful to my vows, very serious. Suddenly
a dam within broke
loose! Kevin told me he had waited for me, that he knew Iíd come back one day. I
felt torn. I had
grown to know God and love Him and wanted to serve Him with my life forever. I
didnít know you
could do that and love another. And yet, I had new strong yearnings toward this
Kevin and I dated for two years and married when we were twenty-eight. We are
such opposites! He
loves TV and I love to read. Heís very outgoing, has lots of friends, loves to
party. Iím happiest alone
at home. I love lots of plants and flowers. He thinks theyíre silly. Our biggest
difference though was
religious. I was always studying religions once I had left the convent for
marriage. I missed the
closeness with God I had felt as a nun. Sometimes I wondered if I had made a
mistake. Kevin is a lot
of fun. Everyone loves him. Heís big and strong and has such a sense of humor.
Heís very honorable
and trustworthy and a hard worker. I just missed God.
Kevin has been a police officer now for fifteen years. Iíve shared all of itís
ups and downs with him,
two academies; patrol, being sued for violating a criminalís rights (and
losing!), detectives, two
undercover squads, promotion to Sergeant, field training, instructor assignments
defensive tactics, officer survival, critical incident stress debriefing,
internal affairs (both sides of the
desk!) and the greatest love of his life, the Bomb Squad! Recently he was made
itís commander after
serving on it for eleven years. When he worked undercover and the bomb squad, I
rarely saw him.
Sometimes I feel Iím married to a doctor without the salary. Kevin loves his
work. There is such a
brotherhood that exists among police officers. Theyíve become members of our
family. Thereís a
picture of the bomb squad in our living room right next to our family picture!
During a recent bomb training exercise, there was an explosion. Kevin was hit. I
was at the grocery
store. I was buying food for Kevin to take on the Fathers and sons campout at
Church. As Iíd check
off the needed items, Iíd feel prompted, ďYou donít need that, go home,Ē Iíd say
back, ďKevin asked
me to get that.Ē Iíd hear a voice say distinctly, ďKevin wonít need that, get
out of here and go home.Ē
Finally, I felt a strong urge to go home and so I did. I was unloading what I
did have when the
doorbell rang. It was Ed. I wondered why he wasnít at training. He told me I
needed to get to the
hospital, Kevin had been injured.
Well, here it was. Every wifeís nightmare.
The cop at the door saying,
ďYour husband has been injured.Ē
Ed said, ďHeís at the hospital. Theyíre going to do surgery. Weíve got to go.Ē I
started hunting for
my purse and car keys. He grabbed my arm and said, ďIím here to drive you!Ē Ed
and upset. I felt calm. I knew all would be well. I tried to put Ed at ease and
joked with him that his
police car was as untidy as Kevinís. Ed shot back, ďThis is Kevinís car!Ē It was
when I looked in the
back seat, to see if it really was, that I was scared. The back seat was bloody.
Ed told me he had just
taken Kevin to the hospital. Next to Kevinís blood were things I recognized as
being his. The nurse
in me clicked on. I began asking questions about the accident, how much time had
calculated the blood loss in the back seat, the type and extent of his injury,
Kevin was being transported out of X-ray when I first saw him. I was glad he was
conscious and that
he only injured his right arm. I was amazed at how swollen it was. I felt badly
that he was in so much
pain. I felt truly helpless that I was not on duty, there to medicate him. The
last bomb injury cost him
his hearing in one ear and nerve damage. So I was grateful this was not as
serious. I am
also grateful for all the guys who hung around, waiting to help. And they did
help. What great love
cops have for each other. Itís tangible. Throughout the weeks of doctors and
surgery, they cared
about Kevin and us, his family. Iím grateful Kevin works with such fine people.
Mostly, I am grateful
for the comfort and promptings of the Holy Ghost that day.
The gift of the Holy Ghost was given to me on August 10th, 1985. That was the
day I was baptized
by real priesthood authority. I have been baptized and given the gift of the
Holy Ghost in other
religions, by good people who were doing the best they knew. Neither they or I
wonderful had happened in 1820. The heavens opened! Heavenly Father and His Son
answered a boyís private prayer in person! The boyís name was Joseph Smith. He
had been reading
the Bible and watched his family members each join different churches in the
area. He wanted to
know which of all churches was the right one.
He went into the woods to ask God.
Joseph got a very big answer that changed the entire course of his life
and the world would never be the same!
A prophet of God was again on the earth! Direction from heaven was being poured
forth as in the
days of the Old and New Testaments. Authority to perform miracles in the name of
Jesus Christ was
restored. Ordinances of His Gospel to enlighten our muddy mortal minds were
back. Our Father in
Heaven hadnít forgotten us!
The same power that parted seas and raised the dead,
the original priesthood of God, had been placed back on the earth,
never to be taken again.
One of the first steps in all of this was uncovering some ancient writings. They
had been written by
prophets of God. The most unusual thing about these writings is that they were
written by prophets
for our day. The Old Testament prophets wrote to and for the Jews of their day.
These prophets were
contemporaries of the Old Testament prophets (Hebrews that had escaped to this
Jewish prophets wrote about our 20th century! They were commanded to hide the
writings for us,
to be found by us! And Joseph did. He was shown in a vision where they were
hidden in the earth
and he was helped by God to translate them into our language. They are called
the Book of Mormon.
Mormon was one of these ancient prophets who took all of the writings of his day
them, saving for us, the best parts. He preserved in the book some of the
history and wars of his day,
but mostly counsel from God for our day. It is chilling to read facts of our day
written by prophets
who lived thousands of years ago! I love this Book of Mormon and have learned
more from it than
any other book I have ever read!
Here, Iíve read the Bible seven times and taken scripture courses and yet,
one reading of the Book of Mormon has answered my questions about life
and death and brought me closer to God
than all the years in the convent!
After that one reading of the Book of Mormon, I knew it was scripture. I had
hoped it wouldnít be.
I didnít want to be a Mormon. I felt sorry for them. People in Mesa made fun of
them. They couldnít
drink alcohol or tea, two of my favorites. They went to church every Sunday and
for three whole
hours! They had lots of children and were always carrying boxes and bags and
babies in and out of
their Church buildings. It didnít look like fun to me. I had gotten used to
Kevinís easy and relaxed
manner about religion. I liked driving our nice corvette with leather interior,
going to the bars and
on nice vacations. It was a great life!
Now here was this burning in my heart, like fire!
Every time I read the Book of Mormon or talked to the missionaries.
I recognized it. It was God, all right.
I didnít want to let go of the carnal man within. I didnít want to get my hopes
up about another
religion, just to be let down again. I kept hoping their modern church leaders
had all gone astray, as
in the other religions. Sure, itís easy to start off all right, then before you
know it, a few hundred
years later, the power and greed of men get churches all messed up. I was hoping
that had happened
in the Mormon Church. I looked for it in all my reading and studying of their
Darn! I fell in love with the honesty of Joseph Smith.
I fell in love with the Moses that was Brigham Young.
I found myself wanting to meet them. I fell in love with the Church membersí
kindness and love to
each other. This was the first church I had ever attended where people knew each
spouses and familyís names! They all worked alongside each other. In other
churches, people just
politely nodded heads toward other members or shook hands. No one actually knew
This reminded me of what I read about the saints in Christís primitive church.
It was a community. These people had the fruits of the Spirit
that I recall from Galatians 5:22.
And then there were the precious LDS patients that I had spied on for three
years at the hospital.
They were in their worst moments and yet exemplified to me the meekness and
humility and love of
the Savior. Many of them were concerned about me! Then I read material written
by their current
prophet and it sounded like what a prophet would say. My heart softened, my soul
expanded. I had
spiritual experiences that taught me that this was real. I consented to being
baptized. I wanted a clean
slate. I would give God another chance! Now I realized He was giving me another
baptized was a most unusual experience. Immediately, I felt impressed to just be
quiet. ...I talk too
much. When I got home, Kevin asked how the baptism had gone, figuring it was
just another church.
I just couldnít talk about it. For the first time ever, I didnít talk much! All
that next year I enjoyed
my church meetings and scripture study and prayer immensely. I did a lot of
reading about The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I felt I was home. I also fasted
I felt I was at a marvelous banquet everyday,
while my best friend was standing out on the curb,
not knowing what was available.
So many people donít know that more is available, so they settle for less.
Iím so glad Kevin found his way into the gospel just one year after I did. I
could fill volumes on my
testimony on this restored gospel. For the purpose of this book, suffice it to
say, itís been the gospel
that has held this police family together. Shift work, long hours, weeks spent
in training away from
home, and that tough demeanor needed on the job, but not left there, all take a
toll on tender family
Our kneeling in family prayer, our gospel study and scripture reading and going
church every Sunday have washed away the heated arguments.
The Spirit that accompanies this Church
has been miraculous for us
and I pray it will continue to strive with us.
Pam Kazmaier, wife of Badge #6450
If you are or were a police officer,
or wife, mother, father of such or some other branch of emergency
and would like to share an unusual testimony building experience with
please contact us for details at
or use the link on the front page of this site at
Thank you and God bless,