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Chapter One:
VALUES...
Yours, ...Mine, or Whose?
Before we begin the actual investigation of Christianity; which church is true,
let’s talk a little about
values. The reason is because our values are at the root of all of our choices.
Our values control our
actions, our desires, our hopes and dreams. They are the coal in the furnace.
For example: no matter
how badly someone wants something for you, until you want it; until it becomes
part of your value
system, it isn’t going to happen. Make sense? Perhaps there is a better way to
illustrate my point.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, because stories create
pictures in our minds,
perhaps stories are worth a hundred definitions. In this chapter, allow me if
you will, to talk about
some of the experiences in my life and career that have helped me form some of
my values. Values
I learned from watching others. They are stories from a street cop who has spent
over twenty years
working the streets and watching others. Watching people try to solve their
problems. People who
have continually sought happiness in a world of changing values. In George
Washington’s farewell
address to the nation he loved, he left us with this very sobering statement. He
said:
“Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion
and
morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man...labour to subvert
these great pillars of human happiness...let us with caution indulge the
supposition,
that morality can be maintained without religion. Whatever may be conceded to
the
influence of refined education...reason and experience both forbid us to expect
that
national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”
George Washington, Sep.19th, 1796.
Thought provoking statement isn’t it? It’s a statement George Washington not
only believed applied
to the nation, but to the individual as well. Yet, where are those beliefs
today? I have a book written
in 1939 by Esse Hathaway, titled “The Book of American Presidents.” In the
forward, Hathway talks
about the founders of this great country. Toward the end, Hathway makes this
comment.
“Where they came from, who they were, had made no difference in the way they
had
faced fire on the battle field, in the way they faced hunger, cold,
discouragement,
defeat, and victory. All that counted, when those tests came, was the man
himself.
If he measured up to the test, well and good. If not, nothing else mattered.”
I have read those words a dozen times; each time, pondering the magnitude of
what they meant. Each
time realizing that high standards and morals, high values, honor and integrity
are not old fashioned
or out of style. Even though the world today teaches against them. In 1979 I
graduated from the
Phoenix Police Academy, for the City of Mesa. Chief Fairbanks, then chief of
Tempe, came into our
class and gave a short speech that has been one of the most impacting speeches
I’ve ever heard in my
whole life. This is what he said:
“In prison, there are people who are smarter than you are and there are people
who
are stronger than you are. In fact, whatever you are good at, there are people
in
prison who are better at it than you are. The only difference between you and
them,
is your integrity. If you ever compromise your integrity, ...you are of no value
to us.
You were hired partly for your talents, but mostly for your integrity.”
Chief Fairbanks
The reason that little speech means so much to me is because it so closely
parallels the problem the
Lord faces. Like the Police Department;
The Lord doesn’t have any problem finding talented people!
The problem the Lord has ...is finding people of integrity!
There are talented people everywhere. Good speakers, good organizers, good
leaders, etc.. Those
people are fairly easy for the Lord to come by. Throughout history, the problem
the Lord has always
had, is finding men and women of integrity. Men and women who are honest
because: that’s just the
way it is! People who have no price tag on their integrity. Even when being
honest will get them in
trouble and no one would have known if they had lied or been dishonest. What
people forget is that
even if they get away with it here, someone on the other side is watching and
keeping tabs. Every lie,
every dishonest deed, is accounted for. Regardless of the problem we face, it
can be fixed by the Lord
with a simple flip of the switch on His part. But if we have an integrity
problem, that’s the one
problem He won’t fix. We’re on our own and sooner or later, it will sink even
the mightiest ship. Yet
the most astounding thing about honesty and integrity is that anyone can have
it. In fact, it’s one area
of our life we can be perfect in. Being honest and having integrity are
decisions of the will. They are
attitudes originated in the heart and mind, before they are ever a reality.
One of my favorite stories is about a little boy named Jimmy. He loves to play
football. It’s the end
of the school year and the coaches have the boys lined up in two lines. They are
turning in their locks
and getting their two-dollar lock deposits back. As Jimmy steps up to the coach,
the coach is looking
and talking to the other coach. He takes Jimmy’s lock and gives Jimmy three
dollars instead of two.
Jimmy notices and speaks up, “Hey coach!” but the coach cuts him off. “Move
along Jimmy, the line
is long and the time is short. Move son.” Jimmy steps out of line but there he
is with three dollars
instead of two dollars.
It’s Friday and Jimmy goes home. Monday, the two coaches are in their office,
seated at their desks,
talking. Jimmy walks in and lays the dollar down on the coach’s desk saying,
“Coach, last Friday you
gave me three dollars instead of two. Here’s the other dollar.” The coach leans
forward, picks the
dollar up off the desk and folds it back and forth in his fingers for a few
moments. Then he smiles a
smile of confidence and turns to look at the other coach saying, “See, I told
you I could count on
him.”
I never forgot that story. I never will. It’s nice to be popular. It’s nice to
be cool. It’s nice for your
friends to think well of you. It’s nice to have money or be famous. It’s nice to
have lived an exciting
life, but it’s even nicer to live your life such, that the Lord could be
standing there watching you and
then turn to another and say: “See, ...I told you I could count on him!”
If we don’t make direct choices to choose high values,
then we make indirect choices to choose low values.
And high or low, our lives are governed by our choices.
“Try to be popular, but always do what is right.”
Ezra Taft Benson. President and Prophet
The word values, equates to nothing more than what’s important to you. The
values this church
teaches are high and they are found in the Bible. Regardless of the changing
world we live in, a world
where even the churches are changing their values to meet the wants of the
people, The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not change the teaching of those old and
high values. To the
LDS Church, what was right, is still right, and what was wrong, is still wrong.
“Virtue: The practice of moral duties and the abstaining from vice.”
Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, 1937
Of all the human short-comings the Lord can deal with, having an integrity
problem isn’t one of them.
I admire people of high integrity and I believe people should be rewarded for
being honest. Being
honest shouldn’t get them off, but it should count for something, and in the
long run, it does. In my
second year of law enforcement when I still worked for Gilbert PD., one night at
about 0200 hrs., I
was sitting in a nice dark corner with a traffic light at an intersection. A
fishing hole! I had just gotten
some food and was backed into my fishing hole eating my burrito. I heard the
sound of a speeding
vehicle coming toward me so I picked up my radar gun and got a reading of 50
mph. This was a 30
mph speed zone. I don’t like to be interrupted when I eat my lunch but for a 20
over ticket, I was
willing to be interrupted. I tossed my burrito onto the seat next to me, tossed
the radar gun onto the passenger floor board and took off after the speeder. I caught up to him within
a mile and was now
pacing him at 80 mph in a 50 mph zone.
As I was preparing to make the stop, suddenly I saw a puff of smoke come out of
his pipes and he
began pulling away from me. I floored my cruiser but was not able to keep up. I
turned on my top
lights and reached for the mic. to call in a pursuit. But as soon as I did, his
brake lights came on and
he began slowing down. I too began slowing and he pulled to a stop on the side
of the road and
waited for me to catch up.
Rather surprised that he stopped for me, I asked him to explain. He told me that
he had been followed
by a car load of guys who were yelling for him to pull over and fight. He said
he ditched them twice
but they found him again. When he saw my lights behind him, he thought they had
found him a third
time. His decision was to try and make a run for it but when he saw my top
lights, he knew it was the
police and not those guys, so he stopped.
I felt he was telling me the truth because of how quickly he put on his brakes
and the fact that he
pulled over, stopped and waited for me. He was driving a souped up Olds 442. I
wanted to see just
how honest he really was. I knew I had topped out at 115 mph. and I knew he was
pulling away from
me by at least 10 to 20 mph., so I said, “Well Friendly, just how fast were you
going anyway?” Like
a boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar, he wrinkled his eyebrow, curled
his lip and said, “Over
125!” I now had him at 75 over, but I also knew I had an honest man. So I gave
him a ticket for the
original violation of 20 over and then sent him on down the road. I then
returned to my fishing hole
and, ...finished my cold burrito!
That low flying pilot was an honest man, unlike so many others who lie and
refuse to take
responsibility for their actions, no matter what! I arrested a man once and
during the search incidental
to arrest, I found a bag of marijuana in his pocket. I held it up to his face
and said,
“Where did you get the dope?”
He thought for a moment, then he adopted a surprised look on his face
and then he looked down at himself and said,
“My gads, ...whose pants are
these?”
As a police officer, I constantly see people make interesting excuses and
rationalizations for their
actions. They seem to feel that if they can justify it in their own mind, then
it is right. If no one sees
it, it’s OK! The fact is, as long as it’s not illegal, no one can decide what is
right or wrong for you.
No one can decide what your values should be. Each of us has to decide for
ourselves. So what you
use for a standard to base your values on, is of your own choosing. But the
decisions we choose have
a direct effect on our lives. What we quite often fail to understand, is even
though we have our
freedom of choice, we don’t have freedom of consequence.
“Even a child is known by his doings.”
Proverbs, 20:11
I can’t help but believe that the next life is a continuation of this life. I
believe that the gap between
the righteous and the unrighteous, (including those who feign righteousness) the
honest and the
dishonest, the faithful and the unfaithful, the responsible and the
irresponsible, the committed and the
uncommitted to God and His ways, will continue to widen because of our own
actions.
The Heritage
The rich man’s son inherits lands and piles of brick and stone and gold,
and he inherits soft white hands, and tender flesh that fears the cold,
nor dares to wear a garment old.
The rich man’s son inherits wants, his stomach craves for dainty fare,
with sated heart, he hears the pants [peasants] of toiling hinds with brown arms
bare,
and wearies in his easy-chair
What doth the poor man’s son inherit? Stout muscles and a sinewy heart,
a hardy frame, a hardier spirit. King of two hands, he does his part,
in every useful toil and art.
What doth the poor man’s son inherit? A patience learned of being poor.
Courage, if sorrow come, to bear it. A fellow-feeling that is sure,
to make the outcast bless his door.
Both, heirs to same six feet of sod, are equal in the earth at last.
Both, children of the same dear God, prove title to your heirship vast,
by record of a will-filled past.
The above poem about values is less then half of James Russell
Lowell’s poem titled, “The Heritage.”
Lowell died in 1891. I took this portion of his poem from an old book of
mine. A 1904, 8th-grade Jones Reader. I find it interesting that these are the
type of values that used to be taught in schools. It may
interest you to know that the term “separation of church and state” does not
appear anywhere in
the US Constitution. Nor does that idea stem from our founding fathers. It began
in 1962-63. It may
further interest you to know that our founding fathers said that “Religion,
morality and knowledge”
were essential for our society. In fact, our founding fathers even went as far
as to order Bibles and
Hymn Books for our schools. Further, in the beginning of our country, one had to
profess a belief in
Jesus Christ and a belief in a life here-after, just to be able to testify in a
court of law. And as late
as 1947, in the Dallas Public Schools, one of their required courses of study
was:
The New Testament.
...How about that?
In this job, you see nearly every kind of person and every kind of situation.
Probably one of the
saddest people I frequently deal with, is a guy by the name of Allen. His
friends call him Snake. Allen
is sixty years old. There is a part of me that really likes Allen. He’s a very
friendly man and he’s kind
to everyone. When he’s not crying because his feet hurt, he always wears a smile
and when he smiles
at you, he smiles from his heart. You can see it in his eyes. Like a little
child, Allen doesn’t hate
anyone. But Allen has no care or respect for himself and without going into
details, he suffers
numerous health problems all because of self neglect. In fact, just a few months
ago, he had to have
all his toes amputated because the infections on his feet were so bad. To say
that Allen has a serious
drinking problem is an understatement. When I get calls to remove him from
someone’s property or
from laying on the side of the road, he quite often tries to tell me about Ira
Hays and that Ira Hays
is his hero. I always tell him that I know exactly who Ira Hays was and that he
needs to focus on a
different part of that soldier’s life.
Ira Hays was an American Indian who grew up in the town of Bapchule, on the Gila
River Indian
Reservation, south of Phoenix, Arizona. Though all boarded up, his little blue
house is still there. He
was also a member of the United States Marines. He fought in the battle of Iwo
Jima in early 1945.
About a month long battle that took the lives of over 7000 Marines. During that
battle, a photo taken
by Joe Rosenthal of the raising of the US flag, became a famous war time photo.
Ira Hays is the one
who is the farthest away from the flag, with his outstretched arms, just barely
letting go of the pole
as it is being seated in the ground. That picture is on my wall at home. I can’t
look at it without
emotions of honor, respect and sacredness welling up in my heart for our flag
and all she represents.
And, for all our soldiers who defend her.
But like Allen, Ira Hays had a serious drinking problem and only ten years after
that photo was taken,
his drinking problem cost him his life. Allen has done what so many people do.
They pick a hero and
follow them; good qualities and bad. They pattern their lives after their hero,
duplicating the way
their hero talks, dresses, acts and believes. Not being able to distinguish
their good from their evil.
Failing to recognize their bad qualities and steering clear of them. Like Ira
Hays, Allen is what we
term a hopeless alcoholic. He has destroyed his own life as well as his family
life and he lives in a
world of illusions and fantasy where he can escape from reality. He’s hopeless
because no matter how
hard others try to help him, he alone has the power to change his life. He
doesn’t understand that
even God won’t take his free agency away from him. So until he finds something
that is more valuable
to him than his chosen weakness, his life will remain the same.
In contrast to Allen, there is a woman in my beat who out of respect, I will
refer to her only as “D.”
D can remember doing drugs with her mother at age three or four. She grew up
with drugs and when
she left home, her life began a severe downward spiral. She has two children by
two different men
and she has attempted suicide four times in the past. Two years ago, her life
hit bottom and she began
a literal fight for her survival. D is off drugs now and has been straight for
over two years. Since then
she has been slugging away at her problems, one by one. She’s on probation and
reports to her
probation officer once a week. During the past two years she’s held a job and
supported herself and
her two children. She will tell you that life is much better now. She doesn’t
make excuses for her
problems, blaming this or that. She just meets them head on and overcomes them.
The other day she
told me she was getting her driver’s license back. She said all she needed was
eighty-five dollars
more. She was excited and I was excited for her.
One of the happiest people I know is a little guy by the name of Louie. Every
time I see him, he
makes me smile because he’s so friendly. He always wants a police sticker and
wants to know what’s
going on. He always has a big smile when he sees you and he will talk your ear
off if you let him.
Louie has taught me about counting my blessings and being grateful for what I
have. He has taught
me a lot about focusing on the good things in life and not dwelling on the bad.
You see, Louie was
the victim of a very bad fire. He has many severe scars. In fact, he is missing
all his fingers on one
hand and both of his legs are missing as well. But Louie is fun to be around
because he’s always
happy, always excited about life and because he focuses on what he does have.
How about you? How do you handle your problems? Do you remember in school when a
test was
really hard and the highest score in the class was a 70 or so? Remember the
teacher telling the class
she would grade the test on a curve and suddenly the score of 70 was an A? Do
you wonder if the
Lord grades on a curve? If He does, you and I probably don’t have much to worry
about, but what
if He doesn’t? What if right is right and wrong is wrong to Him? What if He
doesn’t accept the
excuses we so generously make for ourselves? What if we measure our wrongs with
someone else’s
yardstick, comparing ourselves to them? Choosing our values can be one of the
most important things
we do. It is the basis for every other decision we make.
Values are like the magnetic pull of the north pole on a compass.
They keep us on course and heading in the direction we want to go.
They keep us from getting lost in the mire and from experiencing unnecessary
pain.
Our values, and nothing else,
set the minimum acceptable standards for ourselves.
I got a call one time to meet a woman in front of a restaurant. The call came
from the manager. The
boyfriend of one of the patrons had been yelling at his girlfriend, calling her
names and then he threw
his drink at her. He was gone upon my arrival. Her name was Jackie. She lived
with Robert in a non-committal, but meaningful relationship! It’s been that type of thing all her
life. I sat there on the
bench and listened to her crying as she was telling me, “All I want is a husband
who will love me. A
man who will come home to me after work. A man who I can take care of. I want a
home, with a
front lawn. ...Why can’t I have those things?”
What should my answers be to her? I tried to help, but what I wanted to tell
her, what she needed to hear, she wasn’t ready to hear. Oh I could have told her to keep working toward
her dream and
sooner or later it would come true, but I knew that wasn’t the truth. I knew
until she decided that she
wanted more out of life, until she changed her values and made different
choices, her life wouldn’t
change. The honest facts are; the more you move to the left, the more the left
looks like the middle
and the more foggy the line between right and wrong becomes.
“Satan, ‘the father of lies,’ increasingly uses various devices, ancient and
modern,
to confuse us. He would convince us that joy is not where it is. And contrarily,
he would have us believe that joy is where it is not.”
Richard B. Wirthlin
I’ve always been very grateful for what I’ve had in life, afraid of taking my
prosperity for granted.
I know there are a lot of people who have much more than I do, but I also know
prosperity, like
water, can evaporate. I went to a family-fight call once that took place just
before Christmas. It was
a couple I had never met before. Their names were Jack and Sharon. Their
apartment was fairly nice
and the argument, like most arguments, stemmed from the fact that their outgo
wasn’t matching their
income. After the situation had calmed down and was no longer a police problem,
I went my way
giving them no more thought.
Almost a year and a half later, I responded to a disturbance call between two
brothers who were
arguing over a broken window. When I got there I saw that two of the three
parties involved were
Jack and Sharon. During the course of the investigation, I told them why I
remembered them and then
they remembered me too. I began filling out an FI (Field Interview) card and as
I was asking Sharon
for their address, she paused and stopped talking. The look that came across her
face was a look I
had seen before and it was a look I understood. It told me she didn’t have a
home and she couldn’t
say the word, “homeless”. So I took the pressure off her by answering the
question for her. I said,
“Out-n-about?” Tears began forming in her eyes as she said, “Yeah, ...out and
about.” An
embarrassed smile came over her face and she began wiping the tears away from
her eyes. She said,
“It’s hard! We’ve been on the streets for two weeks now. I’ve never had to live
on the streets before
in my life. I’ve always had a home.”
As hard as things were a year and a half ago, things had gotten much worse. The
home they lived in
along with all their belongings, were gone. The only things they had left were
two bags of clothing,
some personal items and the clothes on their backs. They carried those two bags
around town, living
and sleeping on the ground. I worked at solving the problem at hand while Sharon
kept an eye on her
two bags. But she looked away from her bags for a little too long. When she
turned around to check
on them, someone had come along and taken them. Sharon stared in disbelief and
then cried softly,
“They took my bags. Someone took my bags.” Jack and Sharon had now lost
everything they owned
except the clothes on their back ...and each other.
I never forgot that experience. It helped me to realize what was truly important
in life. Sooner or
later, everyone loses everything. The only possessions that are ours for the
keeping are the ones we
can take with us at death. Those being; our name (reputation), our standards,
our memories, our
relationships, our feelings, our beliefs, our faith and ...our coming
consequences. Perhaps oddly, every
one of the possessions we take with us, are possessions that deal strictly with
our values.
“Now therefore thus saith the Lord of Hosts; Consider your ways. Ye have sown
much,
and bring
in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with
drink;
ye clothe you,
but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it
into a
bag with holes.
Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways.” Haggai 1:5-7
When I was growing up, we moved around a lot. One of the places we moved to was
Bountiful,
Utah. I was in the third or fourth grade and we were in a field southeast of the
school. There was a
bully in our neighborhood that nobody liked. He was much taller and bigger than
I was and he didn’t
concern himself with little guys like me, but he was always picking on the
bigger guys. There was
another bigger guy in the neighborhood as well who was getting picked on by the
bully. One day they
got into a terrible fight and I saw the whole thing. The father of the kid who
was afraid of the bully
had brought his son to the field to fight the bully. But the kid was scared and
didn’t want to fight. The
bully was egging on the fight and the father of the scared kid would not let his
son leave the field. The
scared kid was doing a lot of crying, but he started fighting the bully as if
his life depended on it. The
fight lasted for a good four or five minutes. When the fight was over, neither
kid had a shirt on and
both kids were crying. Both had bloody faces, but the scared kid won the fight
and the bully ran off.
That fight had several impacts on me. At first, all I could do was feel
resentment toward the dad who
made his son face and fight that bully. Afterwards, I couldn’t help but see that
that dad was making
his son face his greatest fear; the neighborhood bully. Not only was he making
him face his greatest
fear, but he was making him deal with his greatest fear. Whether or not that was
the lesson the dad
was trying to teach his son, I don’t know. But that is the lesson I learned as a
little kid standing in a
dirt field watching two big guys fight. Since then I have reflected on that
experience several times in
my adult life when I found myself having to face my own greatest fears. I have
learned that if I want
to become successful and happy in life, my problems, my fears, have to be faced
and dealt with. Being
afraid of dealing with them has nothing to do with anything.
In my younger years I used to watch cartoons. One of my favorites was Mister
Wizard and the Turtle.
The Turtle always wanted to be something other than a turtle. He was always
going to the wizard and
getting the wizard to project him into some heroic situation so he could be
strong and be a hero.
However, he never could handle the problems and as things got worse and spun out
of control, the turtle would cry out, “Help Mister Wizard, Help!” Mister Wizard would always
have to use his magic
to pull the turtle from the situation just in the nick of time.
We all want successes in life. We want to be heroes. We want to be able to
handle tough problems.
But isn’t it funny how we also all want a “Mister Wizard.” Someone who can pull
us from those
problems when we become scared or when we feel they become too much for us. How
many times
do we find ourselves crying out, “Help Mister Wizard. Help!”
Is that what we do to
our God?
Instead of praying for strength, guidance, courage
and the ability to overcome and endure to the end,
do we find ourselves crying out, “Help Mister Wizard. Help,”
...hoping that He will simply remove the problem from us?
Sometimes, no matter how hard we cry “Help Mister Wizard. Help,” the best thing
that God can do for us is to let us deal with our greatest fears and problems.
And how sad it is that often times when we go through those type of problems, we
don’t see that a loving Heavenly Father is teaching a child to grow. How sad it
is that sometimes we turn and curse our God. Sometimes our immaturity shows
through and we even become bitter toward Him for not simply solving the problem
Himself. Yet if we profess to believe in God and in His Son Jesus Christ, then
why can’t we understand that life is like going to school. When we graduated
from jr. high, it was much more difficult than when we graduated from
elementary. And our graduation from high school was much more difficult,
requiring much more struggle, effort and sacrifice than our graduation from jr.
high. And so it goes as we obtain a bachelors degree, masters, doctorate etc..
Each step requires more struggle, effort and sacrifice than the last. ...Our
only alternative ...is to choose to remain in jr. high or high school.
“As obedient children, we are seeking to
become more like our Heavenly Father.
...It’s a progressive participation in a very demanding discipleship.
We who are entreated to take His yoke upon us, cannot expect immunity from
tutoring and suffering at the hands of a loving Father.”
Neal A. Maxwell
“...a progressive participation in a very
demanding discipleship” he said. “We...cannot expect
immunity from tutoring and suffering.” How truthful, how very logical, yet how
overlooked. The
training program we go through down here at the hands of our Heavenly Father, is
here to make us better, stronger, wiser and kinder people. A training program
that is designed to make us fit to be called the children of God. I think of the
early Christian patriots who formed our country. I think of the Christian
pioneers who formed the west. I think of the love they had for God and the
incredible sacrifices they made. They gave and gave until they knew they didn’t
have anything left to give and then, ...they gave some more. And as things
worsened and they found themselves at the absolute end of their rope, ...they
gave some more. What incredible people they became. Today, we are so quick to
feel sorry for ourselves. We cry and complain, even curse God for our struggles
that pale in comparison to those of theirs. Sadly, how often do we see those who
by their choices and actions, give up on life. They raise their hand and say, “I
want out of the training program.” I’ve been a member of The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints all my life. One of the things I’ve always liked
about the Church is the non-stop teaching and emphasis it places on correct
values.
One could argue, “What’s the definition of correct?”
The answer is simple: That which is good in the sight of the Lord.
A few years ago, while working a stolen vehicle call that ended in a pursuit,
Frank was dispatched to the scene to take the plates off the vehicle. I stopped
by and helped him out. Frank is an interesting guy. He’s ex-Secret Service and
he’s led an interesting life. As Frank bent down taking off the rear plate I
said, “Frank, I hear you’re LDS?” He replied, “Yeah. It’s the best thing that
ever happened to me.” I said, “Really!” He said, “Yeah. I come from one of those
families Sam, that you and I deal with all the time. We’re all drinkers. I’ve
had four of my relatives commit suicide, one commit homicide and my dad was
killed in a DWI accident when I was a kid. I knew that there had to be something
else out there. My wife has been a member all her life. She got me interested
and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.” Frank, not
realizing it, taught me a lesson about what kind of example I was setting for my
children and what kind of example my parents had set for me. Countless times my
mom and dad talked about the scriptures and told me Bible and Book of Mormon
stories. As I grew, as I looked at others and their values and their lives, I
began to see the wisdom in what I had been taught in my youth. Not only did
their teachings ring true to my heart, but the values evidenced the wisdom of
what my parents and religion taught me.
Because of the amount of tragedy police officers see, I often see people who
curse the Lord for
allowing a tragedy to occur in their home. I have even seen them become atheists
in an attempt to “punish” God for allowing tragedies like the death of a loved
one to occur. I understand them being upset, but I don’t understand them blaming
their God. When I see that, I can’t help but feel that they must think we are
zoo animals and that God is our zoo keeper. In a zoo, the zoo keeper makes nice
little houses for the animals, he feeds them on time, takes care of their ills
and keeps them from fighting. He makes sure they are warm and he solves every
problem that comes along for them. If we have no purpose in life except to be
here for the amusement of God, then they are right. God should have intervened.
God should protect our families and He should solve all our problems for us. But
if we are here to learn from our own experiences, then why blame Him for not
solving our problems? Especially in things like death!
Because there is no
death to our Lord, our God, our Heavenly Father.
If this is but a temporary school ground for us,
then we either live here on campus, ...or we live at home with Him.
Our loved ones, our families, are where our greatest values should be found and
placed. We don’t get to take anything with us when we leave this life except our
memories and our families. Everything else we have is on the way to the junk
pile. No matter how nice it is, no matter how much you paid for it, it’s on the
way to the junk pile. It just hasn’t gotten there yet.
Our families are forever and they will remember how you treated them. Yet
because of our values, the things we hold as important in our life, the family
is in so much trouble today and is falling apart at a rate never before seen.
Our country has over 20,000 homicides a year. The police and government call
family fights, “Domestic Violence”. Domestic violence is on such an increase,
that as much as one third of an officer’s time is spent on trying to solve
family problems. Forty-two percent of all murdered women are killed by the one
who promised to love them for the rest of their lives. About 2000 incidents a
year (over five a day) of wife abuse cases end in murder cases and the number of
battering injuries suffered by women is greater than the total number of
injuries sustained from car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Wife
battering is the most common cause of traumatic injury to women in the United
States and the number one reason women visit hospital emergency rooms.
Sixty-three percent of all males between the ages of eleven and twenty who are
doing time in American prison systems for murder, are there for killing their
mother’s batterer. Over 2000 children die each year at the hands of their
parents. I have two friends that work at Arizona Boys Ranch. Jeff and Vaa. Jeff
told me they house 540 young men at the Ranch. The Ranch is a last- chance for
young men who have been convicted of class 2 to class 6 felonies. At the time I
talked to Jeff, of the 540 young men, 520 of them were from single parent homes.
(FBI-DV stats. per our department in an eight hour DV seminar in June of ‘96.)
What is happening to the American family?
...What are we doing to ourselves?
Craig and I got a family fight call one night
and as always, we parked a few houses away and walked up in the dark. As we came
near the home, a little four or five year old girl in pajamas who had been
outside frantically waiting for the police, came running down the sidewalk
toward us. She had the look of terror on her face and all she could say was,
“Hurry, hurry, my dad is beating my mommy.” Craig and I took off in a dead run.
As we got to the front door we could hear screams and yelling coming from the
back part of the house. We ran through the living room, down the hall and as we
turned the last corner toward the master bedroom, we saw the little girl’s
father and mother.
The mother was on her back, lying face up on the bed. She was trying to protect
herself from her husband’s blows by covering her face and body as best as she
could with her arms. The husband was standing over her, beating her with his
fists. As short as the distance was, it seemed that we couldn’t get to him fast
enough. After the scuffle to subdue him, and when the call was over and he was
booked into jail and her needs were taken care of, I couldn’t help but think,
...What is the major
malfunction in men who do that to their wives?
When will they catch on that that is wrong?
Both legally and morally! ...It’s wrong!
In the hundreds of family fights I’ve been to, I’ve always wondered about men
who become physical with their wives when they become angry. In twenty years of
going to family fights where the husband has assaulted his wife, I’ve noticed
that they almost always blame their actions on their wives. Seldom do they
accept responsibility for what they did. Seldom do they take responsibility and
blame themselves. In general, men like to believe that their anger isn’t their
fault. Those that lose their temper and abuse their wife, like to believe that
it is brought on by their wife. But that isn’t the truth. The proof of that is
that they don’t lose their tempers when they can’t afford to. For instance with
their boss or during an important deal of some kind. Or when the stakes are high
and the luxury of anger is not affordable. But when the stakes appear to be low,
when anger seems to be affordable, they allow their anger to come out and
ironically, they usually direct it at those they love. I’ve seen a lot of
marriages fall apart and end in divorce because people thought that the stakes
were low and that their anger was affordable. And in my career as a police
officer, I can honestly say I have seen far more failed husbands, than failed
wives.
Many years ago at O-dark thirty on a graveyard shift, a call came out over the
air of a drive by
shooting. The caller said a black four door sedan with two guys inside passed
him and while doing so, fired a shot at him. He said the bullet struck his wife
and he was afraid his wife may be dead. I was one of the first officers on
scene. The victim vehicle was a black Chevy Blazer with a lift kit. The husband
appeared upset and concerned as he was giving us the details of what happened.
He said the incident was unprovoked and caught them by total surprise. He said
the passenger of the black sedan fired one shot as it sped by. I looked in at
his wife. She was in the front passenger seat, slumped forward toward the right
side of the dash. Her head was turned to the right, almost as if she were trying
to look over her right shoulder. She had taken the singly fired bullet in the
back of the head. The shot killed her almost instantly. There were no bullet
holes in the blazer which meant the bullet came in through the open driver’s
door window.
As I looked at her body, I realized that if the bullet came as a surprise as the
husband said it did, it would have struck his wife in the left side of her head
instead of the back of her head. I knew that the only way she could have been
shot in the back of the head was if she was turning and looking over her right
shoulder, or if she was looking away from the gun barrel that was pointed at
her. In looking at the placement of the shot, the trajectory of the bullet and
the height of the Blazer, I knew there was no way the bullet could have come
from a passing sedan into the high riding Blazer and then struck his wife who
was on the passenger side of the Blazer. And because there were no bullet
holes in the Blazer and only one open window, the bullet either came in through
the window, or it came from the only other occupant in the Blazer. The more I
looked, the more I realized that this man was a liar and a murderer.
I knew there was no black sedan and no drive
by shooting.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that this guy had just murdered his wife.
What scares me, is the rising trend of family violence I see coming. In all the
family fights I’ve been to, I’ve yet to see one that cannot be reduced to
selfishness on one or both parties’ part. Our values determine the relationships
we have with each other and unless your counter part is totally opposite from
you, your values determine your actions toward them, as well as the atmosphere
of your home. The government talks about the breakdown of the family in their
campaign speeches etc. CNN said that the United States consumes 80% of the
world’s Ritalin (a mood altering drug used on children, classed as “attention
deficit children”). Canada consumes 15% and the rest of the world consumes the
remaining 5%. How can that be? We don’t have 80% of the world’s children.
So where is the problem? The breakdown of the family is more than just a 90's
buzzword! It’s a real problem! Over fifty percent of all marriages end in
divorce! It’s estimated that of the remaining fifty percent, about twenty-five
percent wish they were divorced. Another twelve percent tolerate the
relationship they are in, and only a few are happy and only very few are very
happy! Where’s the answer? What’s going to happen to us if this trend of
increasing domestic violence and divorce keeps increasing? You can give your
family only so much money, fast cars, so many nice clothes and trips etc.,
before it’s not enough. Sooner or later, everyone wants lasting values, real
relationships and real love.
In watching people search for happiness from the inside of a uniform, I’ve
noticed many strange
phenomena. I’ve seen men walk away from angels, cursing as they went. I’ve seen
them walk away from their once happy home, from their beautiful family and nice
lifestyle and walk into an apartment with nothing but some clothes and their
pick-up truck and think they are happy now! I’ve seen them give up everything,
usually for a woman of much lesser quality because they think she somehow
“understands them.” I’ve also seen women walk away from some of the best men out
there in search of something they think they missed in their youth. I’ve seen
them leave a happy home, a husband who is a good provider, good husband and
father, a man who loves them, and walk into the arms of someone who is little
more than a drone in a beehive. I’ve seen men and women who have so much, yet
are so unhappy. And I’ve seen people live in conditions and under circumstances
of having so little, yet are so happy. So full of life, love and cheer. I have
learned
that happiness has nothing to do with the
facts. ...It’s a decision of the will!
You can be rich and happy or rich and
miserable. You can be poor and miserable, or poor and happy. I’ve seen beautiful
people with everything going for them be miserable and commit suicide. I’ve seen
people live in conditions that make me cry and yet, they are kind and caring and
happy. There have been many times in my career that I’ve wanted to take people
with me on a ride-along. People who cry because they have no shoes; just so I
could show them the guy who has no feet.
Happy or sad, it’s all a decision of the will. I’ve been a police officer too
long to believe otherwise. Regardless of what anyone says, there is no other way
to explain how two different people, in the exact same circumstances can have
totally opposite outlooks about their situation. Happiness is truly a decision
of the will. Those who allow their minds to dwell on their misfortune, their
lost opportunities, their mistakes and their problems, are unhappy. Those who
discipline their thoughts and dwell on the good, their hopes, dreams, blessings
and future opportunities, are happy. Life proves it is really that simple.
In my own life there have been many times that
I have felt like I was a balloon, flying high in the sky. But when I dwell on my
problems, when I spend time cursing myself for my weaknesses and my failings, my
short comings, my stupidities, my missed opportunities and mistakes, I become so
discouraged, so dragged down that I find myself, my balloon, bouncing along the
ground. Me! The man called “Smile’n Sam” by my friends. The only way I can
reverse that is to stop thinking of myself and start thinking of others. It is
only then that my balloon begins to fly again. That is the truth if I have ever
spoken it. The only way to bring myself up from the depths of despair is to:
stop thinking of myself ...and start
thinking of others.
After the decision to be happy is made,
learning to be happy, learning to get along with others is done the same way. It
too is a decision of the will coupled with some simple basics. The simple Golden
Rule that we seem to forget. Being happy in a marriage takes team effort. It
takes certain ground rules. The US military has the Geneva Convention to govern
warfare among nations. Boxing has the Marcus of Queensberry rules. Well here’s
some ground rules you should use for fighting.
Julie’s Ground Rules
for Fighting:
Remember first and foremost, throughout the
fight that you love each other, you want to
work out a problem, and you will because you have a
celestial marriage.
Think about what you are saying, “Is my need to
be right, to prove a point etc., worth
the hurt or anger it may cause?”
Only argue the issue at hand, not the past or
personal failings. Don’t attack each other.
Don’t raise your voice and try not to involve
children.
After the fight, when things have calmed down,
then you can talk calmly about feelings
like, “When you say things like that it makes me feel
this way...” Or, “The reason I did
that was because of...” and then truly listen. Don’t
try to defend yourself. Try to change
what you are doing. It doesn’t matter why you are doing
what you are doing if it makes
your mate feel bad, it has to be changed, right or
wrong.
Don’t try to change each other. If each of you
accept the other for what they are and each
of you try to change yourself, the pressure and
frustration will leave. It’s team effort.
Most of all, remember you love each other. If
you truly forget about yourself and do
everything you can to make your mate happy and you are
both doing this, it works in a
circle. Your mate can make you a million times happier
than you can make yourself.
Christian churches everywhere are family oriented, but there is one church out
there that targets the family more than any other Christian religion I know of.
There’s one Christian church that teaches that families are not only for now,
but forever. One Christian church that teaches men that their top five
priorities are: their God, their family, their religion, their country and then,
their career. In September of ‘95, the First Presidency and Council of the
Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced a
document known as, “The Family. A Proclamation To The World”. In it were several
statements directed to the members of families. Statements the LDS Church does
not waiver on. Statements like,
“Husband And Wife have a solemn
responsibility to love and care for each other and
for their children...Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love
and righteousness,
to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and
serve one another,
to observe the commandments of God...Husbands and wives, mothers and fathers,
will be
held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...The family
is ordained
of God...Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on
principles
of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and
wholesome recreational activities...We warn that individuals who violate
covenants of chastity, who
abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will
one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration
of the family will bring
upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by
ancient and modern prophets.”
I’m so very grateful for a church that teaches
me the values that this Church teaches me. For the
importance it places on the family. The importance it places on the relationship
between mother and father. The love and respect that it teaches us to have for
each other. The strong belief about the hereafter and that families can be
families forever.
In January of 1996 a stabbing call came out over the air. I was close so I
responded. It was the third stabbing call I had been to in 2 months. When I got
there, a young man was laying on his back in the middle of the parking lot. He
had been stabbed once in the chest, once in his side and he had a huge defensive
wound across the palm of his left hand where he had obviously tried to block one
of the strikes. The wound was very large and very deep.
The young man was struggling to get to his feet but it was too late. He had
already lost control of his arms and legs. He had also lost control of his eyes.
He couldn’t focus on anything and his mouth was beginning to lather. This young
man was fighting for his life. The Fire Department was scrambling to save his
life. I was standing over him holding a flashlight so the paramedics could see
what they were doing. Lance was kneeling at his head asking him, “What’s your
name and, Who did this to you?” He was able to give us a word here and there but
Lance couldn’t put the words together to figure out what he was trying to say.
As I was standing there, holding the flashlight, I noticed the huge wound in his
hand was not bleeding and I knew that meant he had lost his blood pressure.
Nobody was saying anything, but I knew in my heart that this guy was going to
die. I watched as he tried but failed to remain conscious. Soon he was gone.
As I stood there just holding the flashlight and watching him die, I couldn’t
help but think how doubly sad this really was. Doubly sad because not only was
this young man going to die before his time, but in the last few moments of his
life, there was no family here for him. There weren’t even any friends here for
him. Just a bunch of guys who didn’t even know his name. I knew that if we
couldn’t identify him, that this mother’s son would be buried as, John Doe,
1996, Maricopa County, number 15, or whatever. I had watched people die before,
but this time it seemed different. As I stood there watching his life slip away,
I thought about how much I love my family. How much I love my son, and how
grateful I was that I was not standing there watching my son die.
In most Christian value systems, there is no room for the belief that a family
can be a family forever. For the life of me, I have no idea why! But as I worked
on the scene, I could not help but be so very grateful for the belief that a
family can be forever. That death does not end a family. Oh the happiness that a
family in love with each other brings. The more time and money I spend on my
family, the more problems I try to solve for my family, the more I see them grow
and prosper and have joy therein, the more deeply in love I fall with my family.
And the more I realize that,
I could never be happy without my family,
no matter what the consolation prize was!
I do not understand those who choose to believe that they could! What a sting
the death of a loved one must bring them! What weeping and wailing there must be
at their funerals. How sad to believe that God would offer us less in the next
life, than what we have here in this life!
A few years ago, Rich and I were riding together on a cold winter night at about
2230, when a
prowler call came out over the air. “There is somebody in my back yard” she
cried. “They’re at my back door.” It was one of those times when I was right
there when the call came out. One of those rare times when I was a two man unit.
I grabbed the mic. and told radio we were 97. I pulled around the corner and
stopped. Rich and I scrambled out of the car, hustled down the street and
located the house. We entered the little side yard and came into the back yard.
We came to the edge of the patio and peered around the corner. We could tell
there was a figure down by the door. So with guns and flashlights in hand, we
lit it up. But, It wasn’t a prowler at all! It was just an old transient woman
about 80 years old that we had seen before. We put our guns away and I got on
the air and gave radio a “code 4”. As I did that, the old woman was getting up
off of the patio. When she did, I saw light coming from under the door and then
I knew exactly what the old woman was doing. I have seen birds and dogs and cats
do that. I have seen them sit next to doors and windows to catch the escaping
heat that comes out the cracks. ...The old woman was cold!
I walked up to her and said, “Hey
girl, whatcha-doin?”
She replied, “Oh, I been out shopping all
day and I was on my way home.
I got tired and so I thought I would
stop and rest a bit.”
I knew she hadn’t been out shopping
and I knew she didn’t have a home! I knew
she was alone and she didn’t own anything
she wasn’t wearing or carrying.
I replied: “Well, can we do anything
for you?”
She said: “No, gotta go now, ...my husbands
waiting for me! He’s got supper ready.”
The old woman turned, walked past us and scurried off into the dark. As I
watched her disappear, I thought: That old woman is someone’s daughter! She’s
someone’s sister! She’s someone’s mother! ...Where are they? Do they know she’s
living like this? Do they even care? I believe that families are extremely
important to our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. In talking about the
family, President-Prophet David O. McKay made this statement. He said,
“If Christ were to return to you today,
one of the first questions
He would ask you is: How’s your family?”
Along with families, comes the unpleasantries
of problems. Every family member will have their own uniqueness and quite often,
that uniqueness will equate to a new and different problem for you to deal with.
And with each passing year, new and different problems will beset you. But as
uncomfortable as they are, problems are the things that make us become stronger
people. I enjoy working out with weights and there is a saying in the weight
room that goes; No pain-No gain. That is a true statement. The fact is, you can
walk into the weight room all you want to. You can look at those weights, study
the fine art of weight lifting, talk to others about weight lifting, you can
read books and watch others weight lift, but until you are willing to grab that
weight and deal with that pressure yourself, ...nothing will ever change for
you. The same is true with life. You can look at your problems all you want to,
you can study the fine art of problem solving, you can talk to others about
solving problems and you can read books about solving problems,
but until you are willing to grab that problem
and deal with that pressure yourself
...nothing is going to change for you!
If you work out with heavy weights, you have to have a “spotter” working with
you. His job is to watch you as you lift. If the weight is too heavy or if you
are too close to “failure,” his job is to lift up on the bar just enough to get
the weight moving again. He does not take the weight from you, he does not do it
for you, he lifts up, taking the extra pressure away from you so you can finish
the lift yourself. That is how you become stronger in the weight room.
In life? Countless times I have felt the loving hand of my Heavenly Father,
lifting up on the bar when the weight was too much for me or when I was too
close to failure. He doesn’t take the weight from me and He doesn’t do it for
me. He lifts up on the bar, taking the extra pressure from me and allows me to
finish the lift myself. Why? Because that’s how I become stronger in life. And
like the help of the spotter is something I can actually feel, so is the help of
my Heavenly Father. It always comes exactly when I need it. Never too soon,
...never too late.
We live in a world full of tragedy and because of our changing world and
changing values, we find ourselves not realizing the seemingly subtle changes.
We become callous to the tragedy, and unaware of the effect it has on us. As a
police officer, I have seen that change, that callousness in me. The LDS Church
teaches us that one of Christ’s greatest virtues was charity for others. For the
most part, I was that way until I got into police work. But things changed after
I became a cop. My ability to feel other’s pain was one of the things that
changed. In police work you have to be able to detach yourself from human
suffering. All emergency service personnel learn to do that. Tragedy is
something we deal with, but we seldom think about and often become numb to.
As time passed, I learned how to detach myself from the suffering very well. I
first realized just how well, when one day I was inside a garage with a suicide
victim who had taken a shotgun, placed it into his mouth and blown off the top
of his head. The body was there. The shotgun was there. The scattered human
blood, bone and tissue were there, and I was there. As I sat there alone in the
garage for several hours, the garage door down while I gathered my evidence, did
my investigation, recreated the scene and wrote my report, I had no more feeling
for the victim or his family or the problems he left behind, than if I was just
writing out a grocery list. He was just another piece of evidence inside the
crime scene. After I was done with my investigation, I called to have the body
picked up. When I left, I gave him and my attitude no more thought.
As I continued in my career, I became better and better at removing myself from
the human suffering that I saw. I had been on several scenes involving dead
bodies. I had seen both the old and the young die. I had been to several
fatality accidents and I had even been first on the scene of a vehicle fatality
where the driver was caught inside when his fuel tank ruptured and burst into
flames. As time went on, I got to the point where very little fazed me anymore.
I had become almost totally numb to human tragedy and suffering. But I didn’t
realize just how numb I had gotten until an incident occurred in my ninth year
of law enforcement. An incident that only Julie and I and one old man knows
anything about. An incident that I have never told anyone, not even my family.
Yet, as hard as I try to forget, even today, the memory won’t leave me alone.
Julie and I were en route to Las Vegas. On that long straight stretch of road
north of Kingman, about 25 miles south of Hoover Dam, we came upon a one car
roll-over in the southbound lanes. The driver had lost control, over-corrected
and rolled the vehicle. The vehicle came to rest upside down in the
median. We were one of the very first to come along. There were four occupants
in the vehicle. The two occupants in the front seat had been ejected during the
rollover. They appeared to be dead. The two occupants in the back seat of the
vehicle were pinned in.
In the left rear seat, was an old woman. Her head was pinned forward onto her
chest. Like the two occupants that were ejected, she appeared to be dead. In the
right rear seat was an old man. He too had his head pinned forward on his chest
but unlike the old woman, he was alive, alert and conscious. He was obviously
the old woman’s husband and still her boyfriend as he was holding the old
woman’s hand and he was singing a song about Jesus. There were only a few people
there at the scene, and no one was doing anything. Julie looked at me in despair
and said, “Honey, ...what do we do?” I was the bull of the woods. I was to know
what to do, and to do it. So I surveyed the scene to see what I could do. Three
of the people didn’t need first aid and the one that did, well, there was
nothing I could do for him. Finishing my survey, I came back to the old man. He
was still holding the old woman’s hand, still singing a song about Jesus. He
looked at me, I looked at him. Our eyes made contact for a few moments as I
listened to the words of his song. And then, without even a smile, or a look of
compassion on my face, I turned, I walked away, ...and I left him there.
The sleeping pill I gave my subconscious was, “I was a professional! The best
thing I can do for him is go call for professional help!” And so I did. But that
wasn’t the truth. I didn’t need to do that. There were other people there, they
could have done that. I didn’t have to just leave him like that. I’ve seen that
old man’s face a thousand times in my mind since that day and I can still hear
his song. I have never spoken a word about him to anyone, yet I can’t stop
thinking about him. How could have I become so cold and unfeeling to human
suffering that I could just turn and walk away like that? Every time I see that
old man’s face, every time I hear his song, I think of another similar incident
that took place in my second year of law enforcement. Before I learned to become
so cold and so unfeeling.
It was 0130 hrs. in the morning. Radio advised that MCSO (Maricopa County
Sheriff’s Office) had a “serious injury-possible fatality accident” at the
intersection of Warner and McQueen. Their closest unit was twenty minutes away
and they were asking for help. I was close and I was available so I grabbed the
mic. and told radio I would respond. I was the first unit on scene. At a glance
I could tell that the north bound vehicle had run the stop sign and struck the
westbound vehicle in the driver’s door. The impact was a high speed impact, and
the west bound vehicle was knocked over an irrigation canal. It came to rest
upside down on the other side of the canal. The northbound vehicle then went
nose first into the canal. The two occupants of that vehicle seemed to be in no
immediate need of first aid. I then ran to the other car and quickly surveyed
the damage.
The impact had taken place on the driver’s side of the vehicle, right into the
passenger compartment with about two feet of penetration. The vehicle’s top was
crushed in toward the passenger compartment as well. I got down on my knees and
looked into the driver’s side of the vehicle. The driver was a young male in his
mid twenties. He was pinned in the vehicle. His head was crushed forward onto
his chest. By the distortion of his head and neck, I could tell he was dead.
From the other side I could hear sounds of groaning and cries for help. I got up
and ran around to the passenger side. I got down on my hands and knees and
looked inside. Seat belted in the right front passenger seat was a female in her
mid twenties. She was hanging upside down and she was pinned in the vehicle. The
sides and top were crushed in around her. She was alive, alert, and conscious.
...She was also nine months pregnant and going into labor.
I got on the air and told radio what I had and what I needed. The fire
department responded with the “Jaws of Life” and spread the vehicle and got her
out. Mesa General Hospital sent out a paramedic ambulance with a doctor inside.
His name was Dr. Leavitt. But until the fire department, ambulance and doctor
arrived, it was just me and her. Like the old man, there was nothing I could do
for her. But I wanted to help her somehow. I wanted to do something for her. So
I did the only thing I could do. I got down in the dirt alongside her and just
stayed with her until help arrived. I put my face near the now crushed window
opening, so I could make eye contact with her. I stuck my hand inside the car so
she could take it if she wanted. I then stayed along side her, only leaving when
I had to. I talked to her and told her everything would be fine.
Everything I did for her added up to
nothing! ...But it was all I could do!
That young woman lost her husband and her baby
that night. I wasn’t able to do anything for her and I never saw her again. I
wanted to help, but I was helpless. But, as little as it was, you don’t know how
many times I have seen that old man’s face in my mind, and wish I had done at
least that much for him. I have wished many times that I could roll back the
clock to that incident and create a different ending to that story. But I can’t.
None of us can, can we? That experience on the road to Las Vegas changed the
rest of my career. I vowed I would never again, be so cold and so unfeeling,
that I could look upon another’s misery and feel nothing. No empathy. No desire
to help in what ever way I could. I’m not the best cop out there, but since that
time, I’ve always tried to make the situation better somehow for the other guy.
It was not only my Christian duty, but I began to realize that but by the grace
of God, I could be that, “other guy!”
Those two experiences taught me something about compassionate service that I
would never forget. Sometimes we think that our small gestures of kindness often
referred to as compassionate service, are little more than a waste of time.
After all, how can a loaf of bread, a plate of food or some seemingly
insignificant act be of much value? Well, compassionate service is not about the
loaf of bread or the plate of food you bring by. It’s not about helping someone
move or lending a shoulder to cry on or merely just being there for someone.
It’s far beyond that.
Compassionate Service is first aid ...to the soul!
That’s what the loaf of
bread, the plate of food or the act of kindness
...is all about!
Currently I am assigned to Transportation. That means I transport prisoners from
court to jail and from jail to court. Of the eight jails I have to be familiar
with, the most interesting jail is Madison. Why? Because that is where Maricopa
County houses all it’s “Maximum Security” prisoners who are awaiting sentencing.
Maximum Security is an interesting place. The day starts for those prisoners at
0330 hrs., when they receive breakfast. At 0600 hrs., the steel doors to their
cells slide open and the prisoners are allowed out of their small cell and into
the “Day-room”. There they can visit with one another, make phone calls, etc. At
2200 hrs., they return to their cells, the steel doors slide shut and lock-down
occurs until 0600 the next morning. All because of the decisions, the choices
they made in life. All because they felt that following the rules was too
restrictive upon their freedom.
Of those in Maximum Security, probably the most interesting are the ones that
are classified as
“Maximum Security, Closed Custody, One-hour-outs.” They have their own cell
block and their day begins at 0330 hrs. as well. But unlike the other prisoners,
at 0600 hrs., the doors do not open for them. They stay shut for twenty-three
hours a day. At the beginning of the twenty-forth hour, their door opens up and
they are allowed into the day-room, for one hour, by themselves. When you pick
up those prisoners for court, they come out wearing leg chains and belly chains
and their arms are handcuffed to the belly chain. If the jail pulls them before
you get there, you find them in the day-room. But you don’t find them up walking
around, you find them chained to a table and the table is bolted to the floor.
All because they feel that following the rules is too restrictive upon their
freedom. How utterly ironic, that those who demand the most freedom, wind up
with the least.
Their world is a small cell for twenty-three hours and a day-room for one hour,
all alone. They don’t see the sun, just light bulbs. The walls, floors and
ceilings are all concrete. The benches are cold steel. Yet the world you and I
live in is twenty-four thousand miles around and full of beautiful things. I
couldn’t help but ponder the reality that their world held no bounds for me. I
could come and go as I pleased. But they were not allowed to leave their world
and come into mine.
Because I believe that we are all children of the same God, one day as I slowly
walked through
Maximum Security, looking at the different prisoners, their tattoos and their
attitudes, I said to
myself, “I don’t understand! These guys are my brothers. At one time, we were
all on the same side. We all chose the same leader and when we came to this
earth, we all wanted the same things. How did we end up so far apart? What
happened?” As I strolled along, contemplating the plight of my brothers,
suddenly it was as if someone spoke to me, yet no one was there. But the words
that came into my mind were so strong and vivid, that they startled me and
caused me to look from side to side. I even quickened my pace as I walked. But
the words that so startled me were,
“Those who are undisciplined are held back.
Those who are disciplined are allowed to go forward.”
Those words sent chills down my spine. I knew that was true, but I had never had
it pointed out so graphically as it was being pointed out to me now. Then
suddenly a second chill ran down my spine, perhaps greater than the first as I
said, “Sam, are you just like them only on not so grand a scale? Is your level
of self-discipline holding you back? Restricting your freedoms? Is it keeping
God from blessing you with things He would otherwise bless you with?” Suddenly
...I was scared. “No!” I wanted to say, ...but I knew in my heart that the
answer was ...yes.
Like the laws of the land, the laws of God are not designed to restrict our
freedom. They are designed to enhance our freedom, enhance our happiness and to
lead us back to our Heavenly Father. If we are the children of God as we all
believe, then it is our duty to learn what the laws of God are, to apply them to
our lives, to teach them to our children and finally to tell others about them.
This chapter is about our chosen values. To talk about values is nothing more
than to talk about
what’s important to you. We live in a world of “anything goes” but only an
unthinking fool would accept that precept. There has to be order. An actual
division between right and wrong. Between good and evil. Between acceptable and
unacceptable. You cannot have a prize garden with hap-hazard gardening and you
cannot have outstanding character with haphazard values. You cannot have joy
without sacrifice. In every area of your life, you have to sacrifice what you
don’t want, for the things that you do want. All good things come from choosing
correct values and sacrifice.
Correct values are those that are pleasing in
the sight of the Lord.
They will stir the spirit inside you. When that happens
...you will never be the same person again.
The stories told in this chapter are some of the experiences that have helped me
form my values. True success begins with correct values. Those that God Himself
would choose. Your chosen values are the constant, the common denominator in
your life. They are the rudder that keeps your ship sailing straight. This book
is about religion. It’s about your relationship with God. It’s about your
relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. Your chosen religious beliefs revolve
around your values, your up-bringing and your eternal desires. Your eternity
depends on the decisions you make in this place we call life. Yet isn’t it odd,
that so many people give it so little thought. They are so consumed with this
life and their problems here that they forget to think how short this life is
and how long eternity is. They are too busy to see the forest. They merely see
the trees.
The point is this... As you go through life, don’t confuse the
values and philosophies and
disciplines of man, with the values, philosophies and disciplines of God.
“When will the people realize that this is
the period of time in which they should
commence to lay the foundation of their exaltation for time and eternity, that
this
is the time to conceive, and bring forth from the heart fruit to the honor and
glory
of God, as Jesus did.”
Brigham Young
Rooted in the Bible and rooted in the Book of
Mormon, are where the best values in the world come from. They are based on
religious principles. Like George Washington said, “religion and morality are
indispensable supports to...prosperity.” If religion was nothing but a
collection of good values, then any religion would do fine because all teach
good values. But if God has an actual plan for us, then you have to go one step
further. You have to investigate and find the true religion.
If there was life before this life (Before I formed thee in the belly I knew
thee; and before thou comest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee... Jer.1:5)
and if there will be life after death (And I saw the dead, small and great,
stand before God...and be judged...according to their works. Rev.20:12) then
your choice of values and religion are the most important choices you will ever
make. But those choices cannot take place until you stop focusing on the tree
and see the forest. For that to happen, your interest has to be sparked and your
desire to know more has to be expanded. Because our values and our beliefs are
interconnected and the values and choices we choose here, have eternal
consequences.
“Know this that every soul is free,
to choose his life and what he’ll be,
For this eternal truth is given,
that God will force no man to heaven.”
Anon
Samuel
Chapter Two
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