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Chapter One:
VALUES...
Yours, ...Mine, or Whose?
Before we begin the actual investigation of Christianity; which church is true,
let’s talk a little about
values. The reason is because our values are at the root of all of our choices.
Our values control our
actions, our desires, our hopes and dreams. They are the coal in the furnace.
For example: no matter
how badly someone wants something for you, until you want it; until it becomes
part of your value
system, it isn’t going to happen. Make sense? Perhaps there is a better way to
illustrate my point.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, because stories create
pictures in our minds,
perhaps stories are worth a hundred definitions. In this chapter, allow me if
you will, to talk about
some of the experiences in my life and career that have helped me form some of
my values. Values
I learned from watching others. They are stories from a street cop who has spent
over twenty years
working the streets and watching others. Watching people try to solve their
problems. People who
have continually sought happiness in a world of changing values. In George
Washington’s farewell
address to the nation he loved, he left us with this very sobering statement. He
said:
“Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion
and
morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man...labour to subvert
these great pillars of human happiness...let us with caution indulge the
supposition,
that morality can be maintained without religion. Whatever may be conceded to
the
influence of refined education...reason and experience both forbid us to expect
that
national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”
George Washington, Sep.19th, 1796.
Thought provoking statement isn’t it? It’s a statement George Washington not
only believed applied
to the nation, but to the individual as well. Yet, where are those beliefs
today? I have a book written
in 1939 by Esse Hathaway, titled “The Book of American Presidents.” In the
forward, Hathway talks
about the founders of this great country. Toward the end, Hathway makes this
comment.
“Where they came from, who they were, had made no difference in the way they
had
faced fire on the battle field, in the way they faced hunger, cold,
discouragement,
defeat, and victory. All that counted, when those tests came, was the man
himself.
If he measured up to the test, well and good. If not, nothing else mattered.”
I have read those words a dozen times; each time, pondering the magnitude of
what they meant. Each
time realizing that high standards and morals, high values, honor and integrity
are not old fashioned
or out of style. Even though the world today teaches against them. In 1979 I
graduated from the
Phoenix Police Academy, for the City of Mesa. Chief Fairbanks, then chief of
Tempe, came into our
class and gave a short speech that has been one of the most impacting speeches
I’ve ever heard in my
whole life. This is what he said:
“In prison, there are people who are smarter than you are and there are people
who
are stronger than you are. In fact, whatever you are good at, there are people
in
prison who are better at it than you are. The only difference between you and
them,
is your integrity. If you ever compromise your integrity, ...you are of no value
to us.
You were hired partly for your talents, but mostly for your integrity.”
Chief Fairbanks
The reason that little speech means so much to me is because it so closely
parallels the problem the
Lord faces. Like the Police Department;
The Lord doesn’t have any problem finding talented people!
The problem the Lord has ...is finding people of integrity!
There are talented people everywhere. Good speakers, good organizers, good
leaders, etc.. Those
people are fairly easy for the Lord to come by. Throughout history, the problem
the Lord has always
had, is finding men and women of integrity. Men and women who are honest
because: that’s just the
way it is! People who have no price tag on their integrity. Even when being
honest will get them in
trouble and no one would have known if they had lied or been dishonest. What
people forget is that
even if they get away with it here, someone on the other side is watching and
keeping tabs. Every lie,
every dishonest deed, is accounted for. Regardless of the problem we face, it
can be fixed by the Lord
with a simple flip of the switch on His part. But if we have an integrity
problem, that’s the one
problem He won’t fix. We’re on our own and sooner or later, it will sink even
the mightiest ship. Yet
the most astounding thing about honesty and integrity is that anyone can have
it. In fact, it’s one area
of our life we can be perfect in. Being honest and having integrity are
decisions of the will. They are
attitudes originated in the heart and mind, before they are ever a reality.
One of my favorite stories is about a little boy named Jimmy. He loves to play
football. It’s the end
of the school year and the coaches have the boys lined up in two lines. They are
turning in their locks
and getting their two-dollar lock deposits back. As Jimmy steps up to the coach,
the coach is looking
and talking to the other coach. He takes Jimmy’s lock and gives Jimmy three
dollars instead of two.
Jimmy notices and speaks up, “Hey coach!” but the coach cuts him off. “Move
along Jimmy, the line
is long and the time is short. Move son.” Jimmy steps out of line but there he
is with three dollars
instead of two dollars.
It’s Friday and Jimmy goes home. Monday, the two coaches are in their office,
seated at their desks,
talking. Jimmy walks in and lays the dollar down on the coach’s desk saying,
“Coach, last Friday you
gave me three dollars instead of two. Here’s the other dollar.” The coach leans
forward, picks the
dollar up off the desk and folds it back and forth in his fingers for a few
moments. Then he smiles a
smile of confidence and turns to look at the other coach saying, “See, I told
you I could count on
him.”
I never forgot that story. I never will. It’s nice to be popular. It’s nice to
be cool. It’s nice for your
friends to think well of you. It’s nice to have money or be famous. It’s nice to
have lived an exciting
life, but it’s even nicer to live your life such, that the Lord could be
standing there watching you and
then turn to another and say: “See, ...I told you I could count on him!”
If we don’t make direct choices to choose high values,
then we make indirect choices to choose low values.
And high or low, our lives are governed by our choices.
“Try to be popular, but always do what is right.”
Ezra Taft Benson. President and Prophet
The word values, equates to nothing more than what’s important to you. The
values this church
teaches are high and they are found in the Bible. Regardless of the changing
world we live in, a world
where even the churches are changing their values to meet the wants of the
people, The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not change the teaching of those old and
high values. To the
LDS Church, what was right, is still right, and what was wrong, is still wrong.
“Virtue: The practice of moral duties and the abstaining from vice.”
Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, 1937
Of all the human short-comings the Lord can deal with, having an integrity
problem isn’t one of them.
I admire people of high integrity and I believe people should be rewarded for
being honest. Being
honest shouldn’t get them off, but it should count for something, and in the
long run, it does. In my
second year of law enforcement when I still worked for Gilbert PD., one night at
about 0200 hrs., I
was sitting in a nice dark corner with a traffic light at an intersection. A
fishing hole! I had just gotten
some food and was backed into my fishing hole eating my burrito. I heard the
sound of a speeding
vehicle coming toward me so I picked up my radar gun and got a reading of 50
mph. This was a 30
mph speed zone. I don’t like to be interrupted when I eat my lunch but for a 20
over ticket, I was
willing to be interrupted. I tossed my burrito onto the seat next to me, tossed
the radar gun onto the passenger floor board and took off after the speeder. I caught up to him within
a mile and was now
pacing him at 80 mph in a 50 mph zone.
As I was preparing to make the stop, suddenly I saw a puff of smoke come out of
his pipes and he
began pulling away from me. I floored my cruiser but was not able to keep up. I
turned on my top
lights and reached for the mic. to call in a pursuit. But as soon as I did, his
brake lights came on and
he began slowing down. I too began slowing and he pulled to a stop on the side
of the road and
waited for me to catch up.
Rather surprised that he stopped for me, I asked him to explain. He told me that
he had been followed
by a car load of guys who were yelling for him to pull over and fight. He said
he ditched them twice
but they found him again. When he saw my lights behind him, he thought they had
found him a third
time. His decision was to try and make a run for it but when he saw my top
lights, he knew it was the
police and not those guys, so he stopped.
I felt he was telling me the truth because of how quickly he put on his brakes
and the fact that he
pulled over, stopped and waited for me. He was driving a souped up Olds 442. I
wanted to see just
how honest he really was. I knew I had topped out at 115 mph. and I knew he was
pulling away from
me by at least 10 to 20 mph., so I said, “Well Friendly, just how fast were you
going anyway?” Like
a boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar, he wrinkled his eyebrow, curled
his lip and said, “Over
125!” I now had him at 75 over, but I also knew I had an honest man. So I gave
him a ticket for the
original violation of 20 over and then sent him on down the road. I then
returned to my fishing hole
and, ...finished my cold burrito!
That low flying pilot was an honest man, unlike so many others who lie and
refuse to take
responsibility for their actions, no matter what! I arrested a man once and
during the search incidental
to arrest, I found a bag of marijuana in his pocket. I held it up to his face
and said,
“Where did you get the dope?”
He thought for a moment, then he adopted a surprised look on his face
and then he looked down at himself and said,
“My gads, ...whose pants are
these?”
As a police officer, I constantly see people make interesting excuses and
rationalizations for their
actions. They seem to feel that if they can justify it in their own mind, then
it is right. If no one sees
it, it’s OK! The fact is, as long as it’s not illegal, no one can decide what is
right or wrong for you.
No one can decide what your values should be. Each of us has to decide for
ourselves. So what you
use for a standard to base your values on, is of your own choosing. But the
decisions we choose have
a direct effect on our lives. What we quite often fail to understand, is even
though we have our
freedom of choice, we don’t have freedom of consequence.
“Even a child is known by his doings.”
Proverbs, 20:11
I can’t help but believe that the next life is a continuation of this life. I
believe that the gap between
the righteous and the unrighteous, (including those who feign righteousness) the
honest and the
dishonest, the faithful and the unfaithful, the responsible and the
irresponsible, the committed and the
uncommitted to God and His ways, will continue to widen because of our own
actions.
The Heritage
The rich man’s son inherits lands and piles of brick and stone and gold,
and he inherits soft white hands, and tender flesh that fears the cold,
nor dares to wear a garment old.
The rich man’s son inherits wants, his stomach craves for dainty fare,
with sated heart, he hears the pants [peasants] of toiling hinds with brown arms
bare,
and wearies in his easy-chair
What doth the poor man’s son inherit? Stout muscles and a sinewy heart,
a hardy frame, a hardier spirit. King of two hands, he does his part,
in every useful toil and art.
What doth the poor man’s son inherit? A patience learned of being poor.
Courage, if sorrow come, to bear it. A fellow-feeling that is sure,
to make the outcast bless his door.
Both, heirs to same six feet of sod, are equal in the earth at last.
Both, children of the same dear God, prove title to your heirship vast,
by record of a will-filled past.
The above poem about values is less then half of James Russell
Lowell’s poem titled, “The Heritage.”
Lowell died in 1891. I took this portion of his poem from an old book of
mine. A 1904, 8th-grade Jones Reader. I find it interesting that these are the
type of values that used to be taught in schools. It may
interest you to know that the term “separation of church and state” does not
appear anywhere in
the US Constitution. Nor does that idea stem from our founding fathers. It began
in 1962-63. It may
further interest you to know that our founding fathers said that “Religion,
morality and knowledge”
were essential for our society. In fact, our founding fathers even went as far
as to order Bibles and
Hymn Books for our schools. Further, in the beginning of our country, one had to
profess a belief in
Jesus Christ and a belief in a life here-after, just to be able to testify in a
court of law. And as late
as 1947, in the Dallas Public Schools, one of their required courses of study
was:
The New Testament.
...How about that?
In this job, you see nearly every kind of person and every kind of situation.
Probably one of the
saddest people I frequently deal with, is a guy by the name of Allen. His
friends call him Snake. Allen
is sixty years old. There is a part of me that really likes Allen. He’s a very
friendly man and he’s kind
to everyone. When he’s not crying because his feet hurt, he always wears a smile
and when he smiles
at you, he smiles from his heart. You can see it in his eyes. Like a little
child, Allen doesn’t hate
anyone. But Allen has no care or respect for himself and without going into
details, he suffers
numerous health problems all because of self neglect. In fact, just a few months
ago, he had to have
all his toes amputated because the infections on his feet were so bad. To say
that Allen has a serious
drinking problem is an understatement. When I get calls to remove him from
someone’s property or
from laying on the side of the road, he quite often tries to tell me about Ira
Hays and that Ira Hays
is his hero. I always tell him that I know exactly who Ira Hays was and that he
needs to focus on a
different part of that soldier’s life.
Ira Hays was an American Indian who grew up in the town of Bapchule, on the Gila
River Indian
Reservation, south of Phoenix, Arizona. Though all boarded up, his little blue
house is still there. He
was also a member of the United States Marines. He fought in the battle of Iwo
Jima in early 1945.
About a month long battle that took the lives of over 7000 Marines. During that
battle, a photo taken
by Joe Rosenthal of the raising of the US flag, became a famous war time photo.
Ira Hays is the one
who is the farthest away from the flag, with his outstretched arms, just barely
letting go of the pole
as it is being seated in the ground. That picture is on my wall at home. I can’t
look at it without
emotions of honor, respect and sacredness welling up in my heart for our flag
and all she represents.
And, for all our soldiers who defend her.
But like Allen, Ira Hays had a serious drinking problem and only ten years after
that photo was taken,
his drinking problem cost him his life. Allen has done what so many people do.
They pick a hero and
follow them; good qualities and bad. They pattern their lives after their hero,
duplicating the way
their hero talks, dresses, acts and believes. Not being able to distinguish
their good from their evil.
Failing to recognize their bad qualities and steering clear of them. Like Ira
Hays, Allen is what we
term a hopeless alcoholic. He has destroyed his own life as well as his family
life and he lives in a
world of illusions and fantasy where he can escape from reality. He’s hopeless
because no matter how
hard others try to help him, he alone has the power to change his life. He
doesn’t understand that
even God won’t take his free agency away from him. So until he finds something
that is more valuable
to him than his chosen weakness, his life will remain the same.
In contrast to Allen, there is a woman in my beat who out of respect, I will
refer to her only as “D.”
D can remember doing drugs with her mother at age three or four. She grew up
with drugs and when
she left home, her life began a severe downward spiral. She has two children by
two different men
and she has attempted suicide four times in the past. Two years ago, her life
hit bottom and she began
a literal fight for her survival. D is off drugs now and has been straight for
over two years. Since then
she has been slugging away at her problems, one by one. She’s on probation and
reports to her
probation officer once a week. During the past two years she’s held a job and
supported herself and
her two children. She will tell you that life is much better now. She doesn’t
make excuses for her
problems, blaming this or that. She just meets them head on and overcomes them.
The other day she
told me she was getting her driver’s license back. She said all she needed was
eighty-five dollars
more. She was excited and I was excited for her.
One of the happiest people I know is a little guy by the name of Louie. Every
time I see him, he
makes me smile because he’s so friendly. He always wants a police sticker and
wants to know what’s
going on. He always has a big smile when he sees you and he will talk your ear
off if you let him.
Louie has taught me about counting my blessings and being grateful for what I
have. He has taught
me a lot about focusing on the good things in life and not dwelling on the bad.
You see, Louie was
the victim of a very bad fire. He has many severe scars. In fact, he is missing
all his fingers on one
hand and both of his legs are missing as well. But Louie is fun to be around
because he’s always
happy, always excited about life and because he focuses on what he does have.
How about you? How do you handle your problems? Do you remember in school when a
test was
really hard and the highest score in the class was a 70 or so? Remember the
teacher telling the class
she would grade the test on a curve and suddenly the score of 70 was an A? Do
you wonder if the
Lord grades on a curve? If He does, you and I probably don’t have much to worry
about, but what
if He doesn’t? What if right is right and wrong is wrong to Him? What if He
doesn’t accept the
excuses we so generously make for ourselves? What if we measure our wrongs with
someone else’s
yardstick, comparing ourselves to them? Choosing our values can be one of the
most important things
we do. It is the basis for every other decision we make.
Values are like the magnetic pull of the north pole on a compass.
They keep us on course and heading in the direction we want to go.
They keep us from getting lost in the mire and from experiencing unnecessary
pain.
Our values, and nothing else,
set the minimum acceptable standards for ourselves.
I got a call one time to meet a woman in front of a restaurant. The call came
from the manager. The
boyfriend of one of the patrons had been yelling at his girlfriend, calling her
names and then he threw
his drink at her. He was gone upon my arrival. Her name was Jackie. She lived
with Robert in a non-committal, but meaningful relationship! It’s been that type of thing all her
life. I sat there on the
bench and listened to her crying as she was telling me, “All I want is a husband
who will love me. A
man who will come home to me after work. A man who I can take care of. I want a
home, with a
front lawn. ...Why can’t I have those things?”
What should my answers be to her? I tried to help, but what I wanted to tell
her, what she needed to hear, she wasn’t ready to hear. Oh I could have told her to keep working toward
her dream and
sooner or later it would come true, but I knew that wasn’t the truth. I knew
until she decided that she
wanted more out of life, until she changed her values and made different
choices, her life wouldn’t
change. The honest facts are; the more you move to the left, the more the left
looks like the middle
and the more foggy the line between right and wrong becomes.
“Satan, ‘the father of lies,’ increasingly uses various devices, ancient and
modern,
to confuse us. He would convince us that joy is not where it is. And contrarily,
he would have us believe that joy is where it is not.”
Richard B. Wirthlin
I’ve always been very grateful for what I’ve had in life, afraid of taking my
prosperity for granted.
I know there are a lot of people who have much more than I do, but I also know
prosperity, like
water, can evaporate. I went to a family-fight call once that took place just
before Christmas. It was
a couple I had never met before. Their names were Jack and Sharon. Their
apartment was fairly nice
and the argument, like most arguments, stemmed from the fact that their outgo
wasn’t matching their
income. After the situation had calmed down and was no longer a police problem,
I went my way
giving them no more thought.
Almost a year and a half later, I responded to a disturbance call between two
brothers who were
arguing over a broken window. When I got there I saw that two of the three
parties involved were
Jack and Sharon. During the course of the investigation, I told them why I
remembered them and then
they remembered me too. I began filling out an FI (Field Interview) card and as
I was asking Sharon
for their address, she paused and stopped talking. The look that came across her
face was a look I
had seen before and it was a look I understood. It told me she didn’t have a
home and she couldn’t
say the word, “homeless”. So I took the pressure off her by answering the
question for her. I said,
“Out-n-about?” Tears began forming in her eyes as she said, “Yeah, ...out and
about.” An
embarrassed smile came over her face and she began wiping the tears away from
her eyes. She said,
“It’s hard! We’ve been on the streets for two weeks now. I’ve never had to live
on the streets before
in my life. I’ve always had a home.”
As hard as things were a year and a half ago, things had gotten much worse. The
home they lived in
along with all their belongings, were gone. The only things they had left were
two bags of clothing,
some personal items and the clothes on their backs. They carried those two bags
around town, living
and sleeping on the ground. I worked at solving the problem at hand while Sharon
kept an eye on her
two bags. But she looked away from her bags for a little too long. When she
turned around to check
on them, someone had come along and taken them. Sharon stared in disbelief and
then cried softly,
“They took my bags. Someone took my bags.” Jack and Sharon had now lost
everything they owned
except the clothes on their back ...and each other.
I never forgot that experience. It helped me to realize what was truly important
in life. Sooner or
later, everyone loses everything. The only possessions that are ours for the
keeping are the ones we
can take with us at death. Those being; our name (reputation), our standards,
our memories, our
relationships, our feelings, our beliefs, our faith and ...our coming
consequences. Perhaps oddly, every
one of the possessions we take with us, are possessions that deal strictly with
our values.
“Now therefore thus saith the Lord of Hosts; Consider your ways. Ye have sown
much,
and bring
in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with
drink;
ye clothe you,
but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it
into a
bag with holes.
Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways.” Haggai 1:5-7
When I was growing up, we moved around a lot. One of the places we moved to was
Bountiful,
Utah. I was in the third or fourth grade and we were in a field southeast of the
school. There was a
bully in our neighborhood that nobody liked. He was much taller and bigger than
I was and he didn’t
concern himself with little guys like me, but he was always picking on the
bigger guys. There was
another bigger guy in the neighborhood as well who was getting picked on by the
bully. One day they
got into a terrible fight and I saw the whole thing. The father of the kid who
was afraid of the bully
had brought his son to the field to fight the bully. But the kid was scared and
didn’t want to fight. The
bully was egging on the fight and the father of the scared kid would not let his
son leave the field. The
scared kid was doing a lot of crying, but he started fighting the bully as if
his life depended on it. The
fight lasted for a good four or five minutes. When the fight was over, neither
kid had a shirt on and
both kids were crying. Both had bloody faces, but the scared kid won the fight
and the bully ran off.
That fight had several impacts on me. At first, all I could do was feel
resentment toward the dad who
made his son face and fight that bully. Afterwards, I couldn’t help but see that
that dad was making
his son face his greatest fear; the neighborhood bully. Not only was he making
him face his greatest
fear, but he was making him deal with his greatest fear. Whether or not that was
the lesson the dad
was trying to teach his son, I don’t know. But that is the lesson I learned as a
little kid standing in a
dirt field watching two big guys fight. Since then I have reflected on that
experience several times in
my adult life when I found myself having to face my own greatest fears. I have
learned that if I want
to become successful and happy in life, my problems, my fears, have to be faced
and dealt with. Being
afraid of dealing with them has nothing to do with anything.
In my younger years I used to watch cartoons. One of my favorites was Mister
Wizard and the Turtle.
The Turtle always wanted to be something other than a turtle. He was always
going to the wizard and
getting the wizard to project him into some heroic situation so he could be
strong and be a hero.
However, he never could handle the problems and as things got worse and spun out
of control, the turtle would cry out, “Help Mister Wizard, Help!” Mister Wizard would always
have to use his magic
to pull the turtle from the situation just in the nick of time.
We all want successes in life. We want to be heroes. We want to be able to
handle tough problems.
But isn’t it funny how we also all want a “Mister Wizard.” Someone who can pull
us from those
problems when we become scared or when we feel they become too much for us. How
many times
do we find ourselves crying out, “Help Mister Wizard. Help!”
Is that what we do to our God?
Instead of praying for strength, guidance, courage
and the ability to overcome and endure to the end,
do we find ourselves crying out, “Help Mister Wizard. Help,”
...hoping that He will simply remove the problem from us?
Sometimes, no matter how hard we cry “Help Mister Wizard. Help,” the best thing
that God can do
for us is to let us deal with our greatest fears and problems. And how sad it is
that often times when
we go through those type of problems, we don’t see that a loving Heavenly Father
is teaching a child
to grow. How sad it is that sometimes we turn and curse our God. Sometimes our
immaturity shows
through and we even become bitter toward Him for not simply solving the problem
Himself. Yet if
we profess to believe in God and in His Son Jesus Christ, then why can’t we
understand that life is
like going to school. When we graduated from jr. high, it was much more
difficult than when we
graduated from elementary. And our graduation from high school was much more
difficult, requiring
much more struggle, effort and sacrifice than our graduation from jr. high. And
so it goes as we
obtain a bachelors degree, masters, doctorate etc.. Each step requires more
struggle, effort and
sacrifice than the last. ...Our only alternative ...is to choose to remain in
jr. high or high school.
“As obedient children, we are seeking to become more like our Heavenly Father.
...It’s a progressive participation in a very demanding discipleship.
We who are entreated to take His yoke upon us, cannot expect immunity from
tutoring and suffering at the hands of a loving Father.”
Neal A. Maxwell
“...a progressive participation in a very demanding discipleship” he said.
“We...cannot expect
immunity from tutoring and suffering.” How truthful, how very logical, yet how
overlooked. The
training program we go through down here at the hands of our Heavenly Father, is
here to make us
better, stronger, wiser and kinder people. A training program that is designed
to make us fit to be
called the children of God. I think of the early Christian patriots who formed
our country. I think of
the Christian pioneers who formed the west. I think of the love they had for God
and the incredible
sacrifices they made. They gave and gave until they knew they didn’t have
anything left to give and
then, ...they gave some more. And as things worsened and they found themselves
at the absolute end
of their rope, ...they gave some more. What incredible people they became.
Today, we are so quick
to feel sorry for ourselves. We cry and complain, even curse God for our
struggles that pale in
comparison to those of theirs. Sadly, how often do we see those who by their
choices and actions,
give up on life. They raise their hand and say, “I want out of the training
program.” I’ve been a
member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints all my life. One of
the things I’ve always
liked about the Church is the non-stop teaching and emphasis it places on
correct values.
One could argue, “What’s the definition of correct?”
The answer is simple: That which is good in the sight of the Lord.
A few years ago, while working a stolen vehicle call that ended in a pursuit,
Frank was dispatched
to the scene to take the plates off the vehicle. I stopped by and helped him
out. Frank is an interesting
guy. He’s ex-Secret Service and he’s led an interesting life. As Frank bent down
taking off the rear
plate I said, “Frank, I hear you’re LDS?” He replied, “Yeah. It’s the best thing
that ever happened
to me.” I said, “Really!” He said, “Yeah. I come from one of those families Sam,
that you and I deal
with all the time. We’re all drinkers. I’ve had four of my relatives commit
suicide, one commit
homicide and my dad was killed in a DWI accident when I was a kid. I knew that
there had to be
something else out there. My wife has been a member all her life. She got me
interested and it turned
out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.” Frank, not realizing it,
taught me a lesson about
what kind of example I was setting for my children and what kind of example my
parents had set for
me. Countless times my mom and dad talked about the scriptures and told me Bible
and Book of
Mormon stories. As I grew, as I looked at others and their values and their
lives, I began to see the
wisdom in what I had been taught in my youth. Not only did their teachings ring
true to my heart, but
the values evidenced the wisdom of what my parents and religion taught me.
Because of the amount of tragedy police officers see, I often see people who
curse the Lord for
allowing a tragedy to occur in their home. I have even seen them become atheists
in an attempt to
“punish” God for allowing tragedies like the death of a loved one to occur. I
understand them being
upset, but I don’t understand them blaming their God. When I see that, I can’t
help but feel that they
must think we are zoo animals and that God is our zoo keeper. In a zoo, the zoo
keeper makes nice
little houses for the animals, he feeds them on time, takes care of their ills
and keeps them from
fighting. He makes sure they are warm and he solves every problem that comes
along for them. If we
have no purpose in life except to be here for the amusement of God, then they
are right. God should
have intervened. God should protect our families and He should solve all our
problems for us. But
if we are here to learn from our own experiences, then why blame Him for not
solving our problems?
Especially in things like death!
Because there is no death to our Lord, our God, our Heavenly Father.
If this is but a temporary school ground for us,
then we either live here on campus, ...or we live at home with Him.
Our loved ones, our families, are where our greatest values should be found and
placed. We don’t
get to take anything with us when we leave this life except our memories and our
families. Everything
else we have is on the way to the junk pile. No matter how nice it is, no matter
how much you paid
for it, it’s on the way to the junk pile. It just hasn’t gotten there yet.
Our families are forever and they will remember how you treated them. Yet
because of our values,
the things we hold as important in our life, the family is in so much trouble
today and is falling apart
at a rate never before seen. Our country has over 20,000 homicides a year. The
police and
government call family fights, “Domestic Violence”. Domestic violence is on such
an increase, that
as much as one third of an officer’s time is spent on trying to solve family
problems. Forty-two
percent of all murdered women are killed by the one who promised to love them
for the rest of their
lives. About 2000 incidents a year (over five a day) of wife abuse cases end in
murder cases and the
number of battering injuries suffered by women is greater than the total number
of injuries sustained
from car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Wife battering is the most
common cause of
traumatic injury to women in the United States and the number one reason women
visit hospital
emergency rooms. Sixty-three percent of all males between the ages of eleven and
twenty who are
doing time in American prison systems for murder, are there for killing their
mother’s batterer. Over
2000 children die each year at the hands of their parents. I have two friends
that work at Arizona
Boys Ranch. Jeff and Vaa. Jeff told me they house 540 young men at the Ranch.
The Ranch is a last-
chance for young men who have been convicted of class 2 to class 6 felonies. At
the time I talked to
Jeff, of the 540 young men, 520 of them were from single parent homes. (FBI-DV
stats. per our
department in an eight hour DV seminar in June of ‘96.)
What is happening to the American family? ...What are we doing to ourselves?
Craig and I got a family fight call one night and as always, we parked a few
houses away and walked
up in the dark. As we came near the home, a little four or five year old girl in
pajamas who had been
outside frantically waiting for the police, came running down the sidewalk
toward us. She had the
look of terror on her face and all she could say was, “Hurry, hurry, my dad is
beating my mommy.”
Craig and I took off in a dead run. As we got to the front door we could hear
screams and yelling
coming from the back part of the house. We ran through the living room, down the
hall and as we
turned the last corner toward the master bedroom, we saw the little girl’s
father and mother.
The mother was on her back, lying face up on the bed. She was trying to protect
herself from her
husband’s blows by covering her face and body as best as she could with her
arms. The husband was
standing over her, beating her with his fists. As short as the distance was, it
seemed that we couldn’t
get to him fast enough. After the scuffle to subdue him, and when the call was
over and he was
booked into jail and her needs were taken care of, I couldn’t help but think,
...What is the major malfunction in men who do that to their wives?
When will they catch on that that is wrong?
Both legally and morally! ...It’s wrong!
In the hundreds of family fights I’ve been to, I’ve always wondered about men
who become physical
with their wives when they become angry. In twenty years of going to family
fights where the
husband has assaulted his wife, I’ve noticed that they almost always blame their
actions on their
wives. Seldom do they accept responsibility for what they did. Seldom do they
take responsibility and
blame themselves. In general, men like to believe that their anger isn’t their
fault. Those that lose their
temper and abuse their wife, like to believe that it is brought on by their
wife. But that isn’t the truth.
The proof of that is that they don’t lose their tempers when they can’t afford
to. For instance with
their boss or during an important deal of some kind. Or when the stakes are high
and the luxury of
anger is not affordable. But when the stakes appear to be low, when anger seems
to be affordable,
they allow their anger to come out and ironically, they usually direct it at
those they love. I’ve seen
a lot of marriages fall apart and end in divorce because people thought that the
stakes were low and
that their anger was affordable. And in my career as a police officer, I can
honestly say I have seen
far more failed husbands, than failed wives.
Many years ago at O-dark thirty on a graveyard shift, a call came out over the
air of a drive by
shooting. The caller said a black four door sedan with two guys inside passed
him and while doing
so, fired a shot at him. He said the bullet struck his wife and he was afraid
his wife may be dead. I was
one of the first officers on scene. The victim vehicle was a black Chevy Blazer
with a lift kit. The
husband appeared upset and concerned as he was giving us the details of what
happened. He said the
incident was unprovoked and caught them by total surprise. He said the passenger
of the black sedan
fired one shot as it sped by. I looked in at his wife. She was in the front
passenger seat, slumped
forward toward the right side of the dash. Her head was turned to the right,
almost as if she were
trying to look over her right shoulder. She had taken the singly fired bullet in
the back of the head.
The shot killed her almost instantly. There were no bullet holes in the blazer
which meant the bullet
came in through the open driver’s door window.
As I looked at her body, I realized that if the bullet came as a surprise as the
husband said it did, it
would have struck his wife in the left side of her head instead of the back of
her head. I knew that the
only way she could have been shot in the back of the head was if she was turning
and looking over
her right shoulder, or if she was looking away from the gun barrel that was
pointed at her. In looking
at the placement of the shot, the trajectory of the bullet and the height of the
Blazer, I knew there was
no way the bullet could have come from a passing sedan into the high riding
Blazer and then struck
his wife who was on the passenger side of the Blazer. And because there were no
bullet
holes in the Blazer and only one open window, the bullet either came in through
the window, or it
came from the only other occupant in the Blazer. The more I looked, the more I
realized that this man
was a liar and a murderer.
I knew there was no black sedan and no drive by shooting.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that this guy had just murdered his wife.
What scares me, is the rising trend of family violence I see coming. In all the
family fights I’ve been
to, I’ve yet to see one that cannot be reduced to selfishness on one or both
parties’ part. Our values
determine the relationships we have with each other and unless your counter part
is totally opposite
from you, your values determine your actions toward them, as well as the
atmosphere of your home.
The government talks about the breakdown of the family in their campaign
speeches etc. CNN said
that the United States consumes 80% of the world’s Ritalin (a mood altering drug
used on children,
classed as “attention deficit children”). Canada consumes 15% and the rest of
the world consumes
the remaining 5%. How can that be? We don’t have 80% of the world’s children.
So where is the problem? The breakdown of the family is more than just a 90's
buzzword! It’s a real
problem! Over fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce! It’s estimated that
of the remaining fifty
percent, about twenty-five percent wish they were divorced. Another twelve
percent tolerate the
relationship they are in, and only a few are happy and only very few are very
happy! Where’s the
answer? What’s going to happen to us if this trend of increasing domestic
violence and divorce keeps
increasing? You can give your family only so much money, fast cars, so many nice
clothes and trips
etc., before it’s not enough. Sooner or later, everyone wants lasting values,
real relationships and real
love.
In watching people search for happiness from the inside of a uniform, I’ve
noticed many strange
phenomena. I’ve seen men walk away from angels, cursing as they went. I’ve seen
them walk away
from their once happy home, from their beautiful family and nice lifestyle and
walk into an apartment
with nothing but some clothes and their pick-up truck and think they are happy
now! I’ve seen them
give up everything, usually for a woman of much lesser quality because they
think she somehow
“understands them.” I’ve also seen women walk away from some of the best men out
there in search
of something they think they missed in their youth. I’ve seen them leave a happy
home, a husband
who is a good provider, good husband and father, a man who loves them, and walk
into the arms of
someone who is little more than a drone in a beehive. I’ve seen men and women
who have so much,
yet are so unhappy. And I’ve seen people live in conditions and under
circumstances of having so
little, yet are so happy. So full of life, love and cheer. I have learned
that happiness has nothing to do with the facts. ...It’s a decision of the will!
You can be rich and happy or rich and miserable. You can be poor and miserable,
or poor and happy.
I’ve seen beautiful people with everything going for them be miserable and
commit suicide. I’ve seen
people live in conditions that make me cry and yet, they are kind and caring and
happy. There have
been many times in my career that I’ve wanted to take people with me on a
ride-along. People who
cry because they have no shoes; just so I could show them the guy who has no
feet.
Happy or sad, it’s all a decision of the will. I’ve been a police officer too
long to believe otherwise.
Regardless of what anyone says, there is no other way to explain how two
different people, in the
exact same circumstances can have totally opposite outlooks about their
situation. Happiness is truly
a decision of the will. Those who allow their minds to dwell on their
misfortune, their lost
opportunities, their mistakes and their problems, are unhappy. Those who
discipline their thoughts
and dwell on the good, their hopes, dreams, blessings and future opportunities,
are happy. Life
proves it is really that simple.
In my own life there have been many times that I have felt like I was a balloon,
flying high in the sky.
But when I dwell on my problems, when I spend time cursing myself for my
weaknesses and my
failings, my short comings, my stupidities, my missed opportunities and
mistakes, I become so
discouraged, so dragged down that I find myself, my balloon, bouncing along the
ground. Me! The
man called “Smile’n Sam” by my friends. The only way I can reverse that is to
stop thinking of myself
and start thinking of others. It is only then that my balloon begins to fly
again. That is the truth if I
have ever spoken it. The only way to bring myself up from the depths of despair
is to:
stop thinking of myself ...and start thinking of others.
After the decision to be happy is made, learning to be happy, learning to get
along with others is done
the same way. It too is a decision of the will coupled with some simple basics.
The simple Golden
Rule that we seem to forget. Being happy in a marriage takes team effort. It
takes certain ground
rules. The US military has the Geneva Convention to govern warfare among
nations. Boxing has the
Marcus of Queensberry rules. Well here’s some ground rules you should use for
fighting.
Julie’s Ground Rules for Fighting:
Remember first and foremost, throughout the fight that you love each other, you
want to
work out a problem, and you will because you have a celestial marriage.
Think about what you are saying, “Is my need to be right, to prove a point etc.,
worth
the hurt or anger it may cause?”
Only argue the issue at hand, not the past or personal failings. Don’t attack
each other.
Don’t raise your voice and try not to involve children.
After the fight, when things have calmed down, then you can talk calmly about
feelings
like, “When you say things like that it makes me feel this way...” Or, “The
reason I did
that was because of...” and then truly listen. Don’t try to defend yourself. Try
to change
what you are doing. It doesn’t matter why you are doing what you are doing if it
makes
your mate feel bad, it has to be changed, right or wrong.
Don’t try to change each other. If each of you accept the other for what they
are and each
of you try to change yourself, the pressure and frustration will leave. It’s
team effort.
Most of all, remember you love each other. If you truly forget about yourself
and do
everything you can to make your mate happy and you are both doing this, it works
in a
circle. Your mate can make you a million times happier than you can make
yourself.
Christian churches everywhere are family oriented, but there is one church out
there that targets the
family more than any other Christian religion I know of. There’s one Christian
church that teaches
that families are not only for now, but forever. One Christian church that
teaches men that their top
five priorities are: their God, their family, their religion, their country and
then, their career. In
September of ‘95, the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The
Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints announced a document known as, “The Family. A
Proclamation To The
World”. In it were several statements directed to the members of families.
Statements the LDS
Church does not waiver on. Statements like,
“Husband And Wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other
and
for their
children...Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and
righteousness,
to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and
serve one another,
to observe the commandments of God...Husbands and wives, mothers and fathers,
will be
held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations...The family
is ordained
of God...Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on
principles
of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and
wholesome recreational activities...We warn that individuals who violate
covenants of chastity, who
abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will
one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration
of the family will bring
upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by
ancient and modern prophets.”
I’m so very grateful for a church that teaches me the values that this Church
teaches me. For the
importance it places on the family. The importance it places on the relationship
between mother and
father. The love and respect that it teaches us to have for each other. The
strong belief about the
hereafter and that families can be families forever.
In January of 1996 a stabbing call came out over the air. I was close so I
responded. It was the third
stabbing call I had been to in 2 months. When I got there, a young man was
laying on his back in the
middle of the parking lot. He had been stabbed once in the chest, once in his
side and he had a huge
defensive wound across the palm of his left hand where he had obviously tried to
block one of the
strikes. The wound was very large and very deep.
The young man was struggling to get to his feet but it was too late. He had
already lost control of
his arms and legs. He had also lost control of his eyes. He couldn’t focus on
anything and his mouth
was beginning to lather. This young man was fighting for his life. The Fire
Department was
scrambling to save his life. I was standing over him holding a flashlight so the
paramedics could see
what they were doing. Lance was kneeling at his head asking him, “What’s your
name and, Who did
this to you?” He was able to give us a word here and there but Lance couldn’t
put the words
together to figure out what he was trying to say. As I was standing there,
holding the flashlight, I
noticed the huge wound in his hand was not bleeding and I knew that meant he had
lost his blood
pressure. Nobody was saying anything, but I knew in my heart that this guy was
going to die. I
watched as he tried but failed to remain conscious. Soon he was gone.
As I stood there just holding the flashlight and watching him die, I couldn’t
help but think how doubly
sad this really was. Doubly sad because not only was this young man going to die
before his time, but
in the last few moments of his life, there was no family here for him. There
weren’t even any friends
here for him. Just a bunch of guys who didn’t even know his name. I knew that if
we couldn’t identify
him, that this mother’s son would be buried as, John Doe, 1996, Maricopa County,
number 15, or
whatever. I had watched people die before, but this time it seemed different. As
I stood there
watching his life slip away, I thought about how much I love my family. How much
I
love my son, and how grateful I was that I was not standing there watching my
son die.
In most Christian value systems, there is no room for the belief that a family
can be a family forever.
For the life of me, I have no idea why! But as I worked on the scene, I could
not help but be so very
grateful for the belief that a family can be forever. That death does not end a
family. Oh the happiness
that a family in love with each other brings. The more time and money I spend on
my family, the more
problems I try to solve for my family, the more I see them grow and prosper and
have joy therein, the
more deeply in love I fall with my family. And the more I realize that,
I could never be happy without my family,
no matter what the consolation prize was!
I do not understand those who choose to believe that they could! What a sting
the death of a loved
one must bring them! What weeping and wailing there must be at their funerals.
How sad to believe
that God would offer us less in the next life, than what we have here in this
life!
A few years ago, Rich and I were riding together on a cold winter night at about
2230, when a
prowler call came out over the air. “There is somebody in my back yard” she
cried. “They’re at my
back door.” It was one of those times when I was right there when the call came
out. One of those
rare times when I was a two man unit. I grabbed the mic. and told radio we were
97. I pulled around
the corner and stopped. Rich and I scrambled out of the car, hustled down the
street and located the
house. We entered the little side yard and came into the back yard. We came to
the edge of the patio
and peered around the corner. We could tell there was a figure down by the door.
So with guns and
flashlights in hand, we lit it up. But, It wasn’t a prowler at all! It was just
an old transient woman
about 80 years old that we had seen before. We put our guns away and I got on
the air and gave radio
a “code 4”. As I did that, the old woman was getting up off of the patio. When
she did, I saw light
coming from under the door and then I knew exactly what the old woman was doing.
I have seen
birds and dogs and cats do that. I have seen them sit next to doors and windows
to catch the escaping
heat that comes out the cracks. ...The old woman was cold!
I walked up to her and said, “Hey girl, whatcha-doin?”
She replied, “Oh, I been out shopping all day and I was on my way home.
I got tired and so I thought I would stop and rest a bit.”
I knew she hadn’t been out shopping and I knew she didn’t have a home! I knew
she was alone and she didn’t own anything she wasn’t wearing or carrying.
I replied: “Well, can we do anything for you?”
She said: “No, gotta go now, ...my husbands waiting for me! He’s got supper
ready.”
The old woman turned, walked past us and scurried off into the dark. As I
watched her disappear,
I thought: That old woman is someone’s daughter! She’s someone’s sister! She’s
someone’s mother!
...Where are they? Do they know she’s living like this? Do they even care? I
believe that families are
extremely important to our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. In talking
about the family,
President-Prophet David O. McKay made this statement. He said,
“If Christ were to return to you today, one of the first questions
He would ask you is: How’s your family?”
Along with families, comes the unpleasantries of problems. Every family member
will have their own
uniqueness and quite often, that uniqueness will equate to a new and different
problem for you to deal
with. And with each passing year, new and different problems will beset you. But
as uncomfortable
as they are, problems are the things that make us become stronger people. I
enjoy working out with
weights and there is a saying in the weight room that goes; No pain-No gain.
That is a true statement.
The fact is, you can walk into the weight room all you want to. You can look at
those weights, study
the fine art of weight lifting, talk to others about weight lifting, you can
read books and watch others
weight lift, but until you are willing to grab that weight and deal with that
pressure yourself, ...nothing
will ever change for you. The same is true with life. You can look at your
problems all you want to,
you can study the fine art of problem solving, you can talk to others about
solving problems and you
can read books about solving problems,
but until you are willing to grab that
problem
and deal with
that pressure yourself
...nothing is going to change for you!
If you work out with heavy weights, you have to have a “spotter” working with
you. His job is to
watch you as you lift. If the weight is too heavy or if you are too close to
“failure,” his job is to lift
up on the bar just enough to get the weight moving again. He does not take the
weight from you, he
does not do it for you, he lifts up, taking the extra pressure away from you so
you can finish the lift
yourself. That is how you become stronger in the weight room.
In life? Countless times I have felt the loving hand of my Heavenly Father,
lifting up on the bar when
the weight was too much for me or when I was too close to failure. He doesn’t
take the weight from
me and He doesn’t do it for me. He lifts up on the bar, taking the extra
pressure from me and allows
me to finish the lift myself. Why? Because that’s how I become stronger in life.
And like the help of
the spotter is something I can actually feel, so is the help of my Heavenly
Father. It always comes
exactly when I need it. Never too soon, ...never too late.
We live in a world full of tragedy and because of our changing world and
changing values, we find
ourselves not realizing the seemingly subtle changes. We become callous to the
tragedy, and unaware
of the effect it has on us. As a police officer, I have seen that change, that
callousness in me. The LDS
Church teaches us that one of Christ’s greatest virtues was charity for others.
For the most part, I was
that way until I got into police work. But things changed after I became a cop.
My ability to feel
other’s pain was one of the things that changed. In police work you have to be
able to detach yourself
from human suffering. All emergency service personnel learn to do that. Tragedy
is something we
deal with, but we seldom think about and often become numb to.
As time passed, I learned how to detach myself from the suffering very well. I
first realized just how
well, when one day I was inside a garage with a suicide victim who had taken a
shotgun, placed it into
his mouth and blown off the top of his head. The body was there. The shotgun was
there. The
scattered human blood, bone and tissue were there, and I was there. As I sat
there alone in the garage
for several hours, the garage door down while I gathered my evidence, did my
investigation, recreated
the scene and wrote my report, I had no more feeling for the victim or his
family or the problems he
left behind, than if I was just writing out a grocery list. He was just another
piece of evidence inside
the crime scene. After I was done with my investigation, I called to have the
body picked up. When
I left, I gave him and my attitude no more thought.
As I continued in my career, I became better and better at removing myself from
the human suffering
that I saw. I had been on several scenes involving dead bodies. I had seen both
the old and the young
die. I had been to several fatality accidents and I had even been first on the
scene of a vehicle fatality
where the driver was caught inside when his fuel tank ruptured and burst into
flames. As time went
on, I got to the point where very little fazed me anymore. I had become almost
totally numb to human
tragedy and suffering. But I didn’t realize just how numb I had gotten until an
incident occurred in
my ninth year of law enforcement. An incident that only Julie and I and one old
man knows anything
about. An incident that I have never told anyone, not even my family. Yet, as
hard as I try to forget,
even today, the memory won’t leave me alone.
Julie and I were en route to Las Vegas. On that long straight stretch of road
north of Kingman, about
25 miles south of Hoover Dam, we came upon a one car roll-over in the southbound
lanes. The driver
had lost control, over-corrected and rolled the vehicle. The vehicle came to
rest upside down
in the median. We were one of the very first to come along. There were four
occupants in the vehicle.
The two occupants in the front seat had been ejected during the rollover. They
appeared to be dead.
The two occupants in the back seat of the vehicle were pinned in.
In the left rear seat, was an old woman. Her head was pinned forward onto her
chest. Like the two
occupants that were ejected, she appeared to be dead. In the right rear seat was
an old man. He too
had his head pinned forward on his chest but unlike the old woman, he was alive,
alert and conscious.
He was obviously the old woman’s husband and still her boyfriend as he was
holding the old woman’s
hand and he was singing a song about Jesus. There were only a few people there
at the scene, and
no one was doing anything. Julie looked at me in despair and said, “Honey,
...what do we do?” I was
the bull of the woods. I was to know what to do, and to do it. So I surveyed the
scene to see what
I could do. Three of the people didn’t need first aid and the one that did,
well, there was nothing I
could do for him. Finishing my survey, I came back to the old man. He was still
holding the old
woman’s hand, still singing a song about Jesus. He looked at me, I looked at
him. Our eyes made
contact for a few moments as I listened to the words of his song. And then,
without even a smile, or
a look of compassion on my face, I turned, I walked away, ...and I left him
there.
The sleeping pill I gave my subconscious was, “I was a professional! The best
thing I can do for him
is go call for professional help!” And so I did. But that wasn’t the truth. I
didn’t need to do that.
There were other people there, they could have done that. I didn’t have to just
leave him like that.
I’ve seen that old man’s face a thousand times in my mind since that day and I
can still hear his song.
I have never spoken a word about him to anyone, yet I can’t stop thinking about
him. How could
have I become so cold and unfeeling to human suffering that I could just turn
and walk away like
that? Every time I see that old man’s face, every time I hear his song, I think
of another similar
incident that took place in my second year of law enforcement. Before I learned
to become so cold
and so unfeeling.
It was 0130 hrs. in the morning. Radio advised that MCSO (Maricopa County
Sheriff’s Office) had
a “serious injury-possible fatality accident” at the intersection of Warner and
McQueen. Their closest
unit was twenty minutes away and they were asking for help. I was close and I
was available so I
grabbed the mic. and told radio I would respond. I was the first unit on scene.
At a glance I could tell
that the north bound vehicle had run the stop sign and struck the westbound
vehicle in the driver’s
door. The impact was a high speed impact, and the west bound vehicle was knocked
over an
irrigation canal. It came to rest upside down on the other side of the canal.
The northbound vehicle
then went nose first into the canal. The two occupants of that vehicle seemed to
be in no immediate
need of first aid. I then ran to the other car and quickly surveyed the damage.
The impact had taken place on the driver’s side of the vehicle, right into the
passenger compartment
with about two feet of penetration. The vehicle’s top was crushed in toward the
passenger
compartment as well. I got down on my knees and looked into the driver’s side of
the vehicle. The
driver was a young male in his mid twenties. He was pinned in the vehicle. His
head was crushed
forward onto his chest. By the distortion of his head and neck, I could tell he
was dead.
From the other side I could hear sounds of groaning and cries for help. I got up
and ran around to
the passenger side. I got down on my hands and knees and looked inside. Seat
belted in the right front
passenger seat was a female in her mid twenties. She was hanging upside down and
she was pinned
in the vehicle. The sides and top were crushed in around her. She was alive,
alert, and conscious.
...She was also nine months pregnant and going into labor.
I got on the air and told radio what I had and what I needed. The fire
department responded with the
“Jaws of Life” and spread the vehicle and got her out. Mesa General Hospital
sent out a paramedic
ambulance with a doctor inside. His name was Dr. Leavitt. But until the fire
department, ambulance
and doctor arrived, it was just me and her. Like the old man, there was nothing
I could do for her.
But I wanted to help her somehow. I wanted to do something for her. So I did the
only thing I could
do. I got down in the dirt alongside her and just stayed with her until help
arrived. I put my face near
the now crushed window opening, so I could make eye contact with her. I stuck my
hand inside the
car so she could take it if she wanted. I then stayed along side her, only
leaving when I had to. I
talked to her and told her everything would be fine.
Everything I did for her added up to nothing! ...But it was all I could do!
That young woman lost her husband and her baby that night. I wasn’t able to do
anything for her and
I never saw her again. I wanted to help, but I was helpless. But, as little as
it was, you don’t know
how many times I have seen that old man’s face in my mind, and wish I had done
at least that much
for him. I have wished many times that I could roll back the clock to that
incident and create a
different ending to that story. But I can’t. None of us can, can we? That
experience on the road to
Las Vegas changed the rest of my career. I vowed I would never again, be so cold
and so unfeeling,
that I could look upon another’s misery and feel nothing. No empathy. No desire
to help in what ever
way I could. I’m not the best cop out there, but since that time, I’ve always
tried to make the
situation better somehow for the other guy. It was not only my Christian duty,
but I began to realize
that but by the grace of God, I could be that, “other guy!”
Those two experiences taught me something about compassionate service that I
would never forget.
Sometimes we think that our small gestures of kindness often referred to as
compassionate service,
are little more than a waste of time. After all, how can a loaf of bread, a
plate of food or some
seemingly insignificant act be of much value? Well, compassionate service is not
about the loaf of
bread or the plate of food you bring by. It’s not about helping someone move or
lending a shoulder
to cry on or merely just being there for someone. It’s far beyond that.
Compassionate Service is first aid ...to the soul!
That’s what the loaf of bread, the plate of food or the act of kindness
...is
all about!
Currently I am assigned to Transportation. That means I transport prisoners from
court to jail and
from jail to court. Of the eight jails I have to be familiar with, the most
interesting jail is Madison.
Why? Because that is where Maricopa County houses all it’s “Maximum Security”
prisoners who are
awaiting sentencing. Maximum Security is an interesting place. The day starts
for those prisoners at
0330 hrs., when they receive breakfast. At 0600 hrs., the steel doors to their
cells slide open and the
prisoners are allowed out of their small cell and into the “Day-room”. There
they can visit with one
another, make phone calls, etc. At 2200 hrs., they return to their cells, the
steel doors slide shut and
lock-down occurs until 0600 the next morning. All because of the decisions, the
choices they made
in life. All because they felt that following the rules was too restrictive upon
their freedom.
Of those in Maximum Security, probably the most interesting are the ones that
are classified as
“Maximum Security, Closed Custody, One-hour-outs.” They have their own cell
block and their day
begins at 0330 hrs. as well. But unlike the other prisoners, at 0600 hrs., the
doors do not open for
them. They stay shut for twenty-three hours a day. At the beginning of the
twenty-forth hour, their
door opens up and they are allowed into the day-room, for one hour, by
themselves. When you pick
up those prisoners for court, they come out wearing leg chains and belly chains
and their arms are
handcuffed to the belly chain. If the jail pulls them before you get there, you
find them in the day-room. But you don’t find them up walking around, you find them chained to a
table and the table is
bolted to the floor. All because they feel that following the rules is too
restrictive upon their freedom.
How utterly ironic, that those who demand the most freedom, wind up with the
least.
Their world is a small cell for twenty-three hours and a day-room for one hour,
all alone. They don’t
see the sun, just light bulbs. The walls, floors and ceilings are all concrete.
The benches are cold steel.
Yet the world you and I live in is twenty-four thousand miles around and full of
beautiful things. I
couldn’t help but ponder the reality that their world held no bounds for me. I
could come and go as
I pleased. But they were not allowed to leave their world and come into mine.
Because I believe that we are all children of the same God, one day as I slowly
walked through
Maximum Security, looking at the different prisoners, their tattoos and their
attitudes, I said to
myself, “I don’t understand! These guys are my brothers. At one time, we were
all on the same side.
We all chose the same leader and when we came to this earth, we all wanted the
same things. How
did we end up so far apart? What happened?” As I strolled along, contemplating
the plight of my
brothers, suddenly it was as if someone spoke to me, yet no one was there. But
the words that came
into my mind were so strong and vivid, that they startled me and caused me to
look from side to side.
I even quickened my pace as I walked. But the words that so startled me were,
“Those who are undisciplined are held back.
Those who are disciplined are allowed to go forward.”
Those words sent chills down my spine. I knew that was true, but I had never had
it pointed out so
graphically as it was being pointed out to me now. Then suddenly a second chill
ran down my spine,
perhaps greater than the first as I said, “Sam, are you just like them only on
not so grand a scale? Is
your level of self-discipline holding you back? Restricting your freedoms? Is it
keeping God from
blessing you with things He would otherwise bless you with?” Suddenly ...I was
scared. “No!” I
wanted to say, ...but I knew in my heart that the answer was ...yes.
Like the laws of the land, the laws of God are not designed to restrict our
freedom. They are designed
to enhance our freedom, enhance our happiness and to lead us back to our
Heavenly Father. If we
are the children of God as we all believe, then it is our duty to learn what the
laws of God are, to
apply them to our lives, to teach them to our children and finally to tell
others about them.
This chapter is about our chosen values. To talk about values is nothing more
than to talk about
what’s important to you. We live in a world of “anything goes” but only an
unthinking fool would
accept that precept. There has to be order. An actual division between right and
wrong. Between
good and evil. Between acceptable and unacceptable. You cannot have a prize
garden with hap-hazard gardening and you cannot have outstanding character with haphazard
values. You cannot have
joy without sacrifice. In every area of your life, you have to sacrifice what
you don’t want, for the
things that you do want. All good things come from choosing correct values and
sacrifice.
Correct values are those that are pleasing in the sight of the Lord.
They will stir the spirit inside you. When that happens
...you will never be the same person again.
The stories told in this chapter are some of the experiences that have helped me
form my values. True
success begins with correct values. Those that God Himself would choose. Your
chosen values are
the constant, the common denominator in your life. They are the rudder that
keeps your ship sailing
straight. This book is about religion. It’s about your relationship with God.
It’s about your
relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. Your chosen religious beliefs revolve
around your values,
your up-bringing and your eternal desires. Your eternity depends on the
decisions you make in this
place we call life. Yet isn’t it odd, that so many people give it so little
thought. They are so consumed
with this life and their problems here that they forget to think how short this
life is and how long
eternity is. They are too busy to see the forest. They merely see the trees.
The point is this... As you go through life, don’t confuse the values and
philosophies and
disciplines
of man, with the values, philosophies and disciplines of God.
“When will the people realize that this is the period of time in which they
should
commence to lay the foundation of their exaltation for time and eternity, that
this
is the time to
conceive, and bring forth from the heart fruit to the honor and glory
of God, as
Jesus did.”
Brigham Young
Rooted in the Bible and rooted in the Book of Mormon, are where the best values
in the world come
from. They are based on religious principles. Like George Washington said,
“religion and morality
are indispensable supports to...prosperity.” If religion was nothing but a
collection of good values,
then any religion would do fine because all teach good values. But if God has an
actual plan for us,
then you have to go one step further. You have to investigate and find the true
religion.
If there was life before this life (Before I formed thee in the belly I knew
thee; and before thou comest
forth out of the womb I sanctified thee... Jer.1:5) and if there will be life
after death (And I saw the
dead, small and great, stand before God...and be judged...according to their
works. Rev.20:12) then
your choice of values and religion are the most important choices you will ever
make. But those
choices cannot take place until you stop focusing on the tree and see the
forest. For that to happen,
your interest has to be sparked and your desire to know more has to be expanded.
Because our values
and our beliefs are interconnected and the values and choices we choose here,
have eternal
consequences.
“Know this that every soul is free,
to choose his life and what he’ll be,
For this eternal truth is given,
that God will force no man to heaven.”
Anon
Samuel
Chapter Two
>>>>>
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